


Someone To Watch Over Me

by MizUnderstood2136



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Modern AU, Quote: It's Smutty Literature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2018-11-23 14:05:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 31,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11403963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizUnderstood2136/pseuds/MizUnderstood2136
Summary: Rhaydyn Cousland was the new Grey Warden Commander in Ferelden, after helping to defeat the Archdemon in Denerim. Alistair and Leliana had gone off together, lusty and in love. Morrigan had disappeared after her dark ritual. Zevran had gone back into hiding from the Crows. The Queen of Ferelden gifted Rhaydyn with the Arling that had belonged to the man who had murdered her family. Her brother had taken up the mantle of Teryn Cousland, and Rhaydyn was left alone to pick up the pieces of her life.Nathaniel Howe is the eldest son of Rendon Howe, the man who had the Couslands murdered in their own home. When he first got news of his father's death, he had plotted a special kind of revenge for the faceless Hero of Ferelden.Until he heard about who she was. And what his father had supposedly done.When she conscripted him into the Grey Wardens... Maybe it wasn't a death sentence after all. Maybe it was a ticket to a new life. Love. Maybe even forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a story I've wanted to write for a while. Because it's heartbreaking and beautiful and they have an immense chance to fuck it up, or dive in, get their hands dirty and make something real and amazing from the tragedy that brought them together.

 

He sat on his bed, in the dark. The phone dangled from his limp fingers. He was feeling something akin to bitter grief, relief, and maybe just a little despair.

His father was dead.

Murdered.

By the _Hero of Ferelden_. Whoever the hell she was. He gripped the phone tight and pursed his lips. Ran his other hand through his long dark hair. Gave a low growl.

Nathaniel heaved a sigh and stood up, started to pace. His chest felt tight, but he wasn't sure entirely why. His father's estate had been seized by the Queen of Ferelden. And his father declared a war criminal. Nathaniel was now only worth what he had in his own bank accounts.

And so he set about planning. How to get back to Ferelden. And hopefully onto the grounds. Get the important things from the hidden vault in the basement. And maybe, just maybe, get his revenge on the woman who had smeared his proud family name in the mud.

  


**Approximately 6 Months Later - The Hero Returns**

 

I ran a hand through my loose curls. It had.. Been a long 6 months. Alistair was off with Leliana, in Val Royeaux. Morrigan had fled the country. Zevran was in hiding from the Antivan Crows. And the Grey Wardens and the Queen of Ferelden had given me a fucking castle. A castle that belonged to.. _Him._ Arl Rendon Howe. The bastard.

I stared out the window of the armored Warden Hummer as it drove up the winding driveway, to the usually manned gate standing open. I called for the driver to stop. He did, but protested my leaving the vehicle. I waved him off. Stepping out, I pulled out my little pistol that was usually strapped to my ankle. I held it aloft, as I circled the vehicle.

I heard.. Nothing. No sounds from the surrounding forest, no sounds of the people who were supposed to be manning the castle. Nothing. Not a cricket chirp or a dog bark.

My boots made no sound on the gravel path, and my soft khaki pants were tight against my legs. I had little sheathes sewn into them, and an abundance of daggers and such adorned my legs. My black tank top was tight too, and my arm sheathe held my curved dagger. My bigger gun was nestled in a holster under my left arm and my loose green vest was covered in pockets and full of other goodies. I had become far more resourceful over the last year. I tucked my hair behind my ear and looked around. There was smoke coming from the right side of the property, and I felt my stomach clench when the wind shifted and I smelled death.

The driver of the vehicle exited, along with the young woman who had been sent to accompany me from Weisshaupt. Mhairi. A nice and eager young lady, if not a little green. I don't think she had seen Darkspawn before. Not in person. Not in numbers that made your whole core tremble. She raised a dark eyebrow at me and I just shook my head. She pulled out a gun as well, and the driver followed suit. We walked quietly through the gate, saw a pile of smoldering bodies about 100 feet inside the gate,next to the high stone wall. The smoke was dark and acrid.

As we made our way through the outer grounds, we found a few other soldiers, and a couple of the estate staff. Most of the people who lived on the grounds had left after the death of Rendon Howe.

 

Finally, we found the culprits. Darkspawn. We made our way into the main building on the property, and as we cleared the house, I found a mage named Anders and of all the people, Oghren, a dwarf I fought with during the Blight. He was here to join the Wardens. And Anders was at the keep at the behest of some Templars who had caught him after he escaped from the Circle compound at Kinloch. Again? As we made our way up through the floors, we found the Seneschal fighting a group.. Of more darkspawn. Between the 4 of us we killed most, and drove off a few of the darkspawn.

 

The next day, after ascertaining there were indeed more survivors inside the outbuildings, and even inside the main house, I was given the opportunity to decide the fate of the mage who helped me. The Templars who showed up, after the fighting of course, wanted to immediately execute him. I saw something there though. He was.. Hungry for life. Outside the Circle. And I didn't blame him. So I conscripted him. Much to the disbelief of everyone there. Including Anders. Though once given an option of death or being a Warden, he chose to be a Warden.

We proceeded with the joining ritual that night, and lost poor Mhairi during the process. Anders and Oghren made it however. Much to all of our surprise. We sent Mhairi’s body back to her family, with full honors. I was given the main suite of rooms in the house. Which I had had gutted and refurbished before my arrival. Just the thought of anything of Howe’s remaining in here made me shudder. I showered and changed, slept in the brand new bed, under a freshly painted ceiling. I left the windows all wide open, still not quite used to sleeping indoors after months and months on the road.

The next day I was directed to the dungeons. Who knew an estate like this had a dungeon?! Apparently a very stubbornly quiet man had been found in the basement of the main house. Dressed in all black, and loaded with weapons. Including an impressive compound bow that the Seneschal remarked was not a poor man’s weapon.

When I got down there, I dismissed the guard who had been guarding the prisoner. I approached the locked cell, saw him sitting against the wall. Unlocked the door and leaned my shoulder against the door frame.

Long black hair, sharp eyebrows. A sneer on his pretty mouth. Bright gray eyes. A familiar face. I cocked my head and just stared at him. Who was this?!

“Well, if it isn't the _great hero,_ conqueror of the Blight and vanquisher of all evil,” the man sneered, getting up and approaching me, his face menacing. I just stood there. He looked down at me. My mere 5 foot frame nothing next to his at least 6 foot tall one. I raised an eyebrow.

“Aren't you supposed to be ten feet tall? With lightning bolts shooting out of your eyes?”

I laughed. “Ten feet tall? Seriously? I bet the darkspawn think so!”

He narrowed his eyes. Looked me up and down again. “Somehow I thought my father’s murderer would be more.. Impressive.”

I raised the same eyebrow. “And who is it I seem to have murdered?” I asked.

“I am Nathaniel Howe. My family owned these lands until you showed up. Do you even remember my father?!”

My eyebrows shot up. And my stomach knotted. My voice lowered with the rage I was attempting to suppress, “Arl Howe killed most of my family! He deserved every piece of pain I brought him!”

“Your family was going to sell us out to the Orlesians!” he said.

I laughed. Bitterly. “Really? My 7 year old nephew? He was selling you out? How about my innocent sister in law? He was under our roof, in my HOME! He invited me to visit with Tomas. And had his men sneak in after the army left with my brother, and he had them kill everyone. Servants. Guests. Children!” I swallowed. “I'll just bet he told you that we were selling him out.”

“How could he? A Grey Warden stole into his estate and slaughtered him before I could even talk to him.”

I snorted. “Seriously? It was months.. Months after I held my dead nephew, my dying father. Months later when I entered this estate. To rescue Queen Anora. But when.. When he sneered about finding my parents dead together in the servants quarters,” my breath hitched, and I clenched my fists. “The man deserved a far worse death than I gave him.”

Nathaniel had the grace to look shocked. “There's.. No way. My father served the Hero of River Dane, and fought against the Orlesians! Yet our family lost everything!” He coughed. I raised my eyebrow and remained silent.

“I had thought… To come here and kill you.”

I smirked.

“But when I actually managed to get onto the grounds, I found all I wanted was my family's belongings. We had a vault here in the basement. I don't know where the dungeon came from. I.. Was lost looking for the vault. It's been years since I was down here. I.. Must admit I have no idea what my father was doing.”

I sighed. Rubbed a hand over my eyes.

“What would you have of me? Isn't it ironic? You, you get to choose my fate. Whatever you do, please leave the rest of my family alone?” he asked.

If he had asked me about his ‘fate' on any other day, a day I wasn't down the 20 Wardens I had come here expecting to find, I might have let him go. And his family was safe enough. I didn't blame his brother or sister for Rendon’s misdeeds. I just shook my head. I backed out of the cell and pulled it closed. Walked to a wall panel and pressed a button, summoning the Senescal. After a few minutes of strained silence, the Seneschal came into the room. “Have you made your decision regarding the prisoner?” he asked me. I nodded. Swallowed.

“Did you know this is Nathaniel Howe?” I asked him. He looked amusedly shocked. “Well he's a wily one isn't he?” he said with a chuckle.

“What are your skills, Nathaniel?” I asked, all business. He narrowed his eyes, and glared at me. “I wasn't sitting idle while I was abroad. I've knowledge of a wide range of weapons, traps, poisons even. Why?” I gave him a lifelong smirk.

“Because I intend to invoke the Right of Conscription.”

“You WHAT?!” Nathaniel yelled from the cell.

Even the Seneschal gave me a look. Like I was crazy. Maybe I was. Maybe that flutter in my pulse when Nathaniel looked at me like I was insane was crazy.

“Surely, Commander?” the Seneschal said, causing me to flinch slightly. “The Right of Conscription? On this prisoner? The same prisoner who came here to.. Why was he here?”

I have a small bitter laugh. “To kill the ten foot tall magical Grey Warden Hero of Ferelden, murderer of the esteemed Rendon Howe!”

Nathaniel glared at me again.

“No!” he yelled at me. “Absolutely not! Hang me first!”

I shook my head. “I'm not so barbaric. If I wanted to kill you, I'd just kill you. Execution or not. But I'm short about 20 Grey Wardens and you're a skilled individual. I'll take what I can get.”

“What if I still want to kill you?” he asked, trying to be menacing.

“Then maybe I can finally have some peace. Come now, don't be a baby.”

He looked.. Flabbergasted. I felt like a fool. “You're a very strange woman, and I can't decide if this is a punishment or a weird vote of confidence.”

I shrugged. “Let's go,” I said, before turning and leaving. Back in the main hall, we prepared for the Joining.

 

And, again, to our surprise, he made it. Over the next few weeks we went about securing the compound. Which was a better name for what I was using it for. It wasn't.. Home. Not yet. We went into Amaranthine, and I was appalled at the conditions there. Half of the police force there had left, and the city was overrun by smugglers and the like. With the help of Anders, Nate and Oghren, I managed to tamp down on some of the more aggressive parties, and started setting things right in the city. Being the.. Mayor? Mayor for all intents and purposes, it was daunting. Anders and Oghren were really no help. And as much as I hated to admit it, I leaned a bit on Nate to get the ball rolling, so to speak.

One night, after we had sealed off more of the cave system below the compound, I was feeling.. Off. After I had excused myself from the evening meal I had gone up to my room, changed into loose cotton pants and a tank top, along with my wrist dagger. Then I went exploring. Barefoot, I wandered through the halls. It was.. Like the storybook of Nathaniel and Rendon. An obvious nursery, from the looks of things. I had let Nate take the room that used to be his. Across the hall from mine. Mildly awkward some mornings, when I was leaving my rooms to go running or make use of the training room I had requested.

I found myself climbing the attic stairs. And entering the attic. Which was surprising, in comparison to the rest of the house. Hundreds of papers, stacked everywhere. A small desk, a folding chair. I reached out and turned on the light. Shuffled through some of them, and shock tore through me. Plans. Detailed plans of my family's estate. Guard rotations, vehicle and delivery schedules. Pictures. Maker, pictures of all of us. Including Oren. I swallowed. I looked around. On the wall were more pages. I walked over and looked. More shock.

There hung printed out emails, to the owner of the mercenary company Nate had been working for in Antiva. Detailing Nates schedule so as to coincide with him being far away when Howe attacked my family. Same for their other 2 children, Nates sister and his younger brother Tomas.

I wiped at my face. Tried to see through it all. My heart hammered in my chest and I saw his little face. Oren laying on the ground, a perfectly round bullet hole in his forehead. In a daze, I started carefully removing papers from the wall, then moved to the desk and stacked everything I could find. I sat them in a pile, stared at them. Then, before I could think of a reason not to, I carried it with me from the room. Down the stairs. And I banged on Nate's door. He answered, his long hair hanging in his face, no shirt or shoes and his pants undone.

“Commander?” he sneered when he saw me. I thrust the papers in his hand, then fled back to my room. Once I slammed the door, I locked the 3 locks. Pressed my back to the door and slid to the floor. Tears were falling unchecked down my face. I just sat there. Silent. Grieving.

How, after a year, could it still hurt this damn bad? Like a knife in the gut? My brother was the Teryn Cousland now. He ran the estate much like my father did. But it felt empty. Hollow. Because what were we carrying on for? Our parents were gone. Oren was gone. And we were alone, save each other.

 

A while later, I was still there. Staring at the floor. A light knock sounded. I ignored it.

“I know you're there.”

Nate. I sighed.

“Go away.”

“No. Where did you find all this?” he asked me through the door.

“The attic. Go up there. Leave me be.” He snorted at me through the door. Then I heard him shift and sit against the doors other side.

“Why did you give these to me?” He asked.

I sighed. “Because..  As much as the estate now belongs to me, they're not mine. They're not even yours but I don't want them. And you should have them. Did.. Did you see the email exchanges from your boss?”

“I did. I never knew..”

“I thought not. Nate do you remember meeting me when I was 13?” I have no idea where that came from. I pressed a hand to my mouth.

“We met?” he asked, surprised.

“We did. At your parents anniversary party. You and my brother were arm wrestled. And you offered to teach me wicked grace.”

“You.. You're the little waif!” he declared. I was miffed. Waif? What? Why!?

“The what?”

“The waif! My mother talked about you.. In the year before she died. Said.. Said that ‘The pretty red haired waif was going places’. And that she was beautiful. And wicked smart. That.. Was you.”

I smiled. I remembered talking to her. She always said Nate was the most like her, even though he thought he was like his father. I agreed with her.

“Your mother was amazing. She loved coming for tea, and my dog would entertain her for hours. We were all sad when she passed, Nathaniel. She.. She was a brilliant person.”

I could hear him sigh through the door. “I'm sorry my father killed.. Killed your family.” He said it quietly, so quietly I almost missed it.

“It's not your crime to apologize for, though it means a lot. Your father, he admitted to a lot of awful things before he died. And.. He attacked me. He dismissed me as a 5 foot nothing ‘wiaf'. I'm sorry he wasn't the man you knew.”

He sighed again. “I worshipped him when I was a boy. But as I grew older, he became overly critical of.. Everything. Who I was with, what I was doing, my schooling and training. Maybe I missed it, whatever pushed him so far into Loghains grasp.”

It was my turn to sigh. I stood up, unlocked the door. Pulled it open and he fell onto my floor. I stood there looking down at him. “Let's start over.”

He raised an eyebrow. I stuck out my hand.

“My name is Rhaydyn Cousland. Warden Commander in Ferelden, Arlessa of Amaranthine.”

He stood up and reached out, his big hand enveloping mine. My skin tingled where our hands touched.

“Nathaniel Howe, recent Grey Warden recruit, former mercenary. Pleased to meet you,” he said with a smile. I smiled back and he.. Looked shocked. Do I really smile so little? Or do I have something in my teeth?

He grinned then. “How does the smallest Warden become the Hero of Ferelden, and the commander of the Grey Wardens in Ferelden?” I stuck out my tongue.

“Well, first one has to kill an arch demon, then one has to travel to Weisshaupt, where your fellow Grey Warden nominates you. ‘You deserve this, Rhay I promise.’ If Alistair were here I'd punch his shiny nose. Leliana is lucky I love her.”

He laughed. A real, honest to goodness laugh. “They sound like an interesting pair,” he said. I nodded. They really were.

“So, Commander,” he sneered the word again, but with humor rather than the rancor that had previously accompanied the word. “What next?” he asked. I just shrugged.

“I don't know. But I'm tired. Of all of it. So, truce?”

He nodded. “Truce.” He looked thoughtful, and scratched at his stomach mindlessly. My eyes were drawn to his hand. And the tan skin underneath. And the narrow trail of dark hair disappearing into his still unfastened jeans. I swallowed.

“I need to go to bed, we can talk tomorrow. If you wish. Or something.” Then to both our surprise, I pushed him out of the room, relocked the door and stood there blushing.

Nathaniel Howe. Would my father be rolling over in his grave? My mother? If they knew that Nate was the first man in almost 2 years to make my hands sweat and my heart race. I walked to my bed, and climbed in. Laid there Staring at the ceiling.

What had I done?

  


**Over the next few months, Anders and the Hero became the best of friends. He encouraged her fledgling crush on Nate, even offered assistance. She kept saying no with no more explanation. They battled their way through the wilds, finding an avenging elf named Velanna who, once they could get her to listen and talk to them, was looking for her sister. After much ado, she underwent the Joining as well, surviving.**

**They went into the deep roads, met a woman from the Legion of the Dead who was the last surviving member of her squad. She was injured when they found her, and after some healing from Anders, she partook of the Joining as well.**

**Rhaydyn took it all in stride. Even with Anders pestering her incessantly about Nate. They had made some insane discoveries about a few talking darkspawn, and their leaders. Two factions at each other's throats, as it were. Which was fascinating enough. But in her exploring the compound, Rhaydyn eventually found where Rendon Howe had hidden his vault.**

 

I ran into the main hall, completely out of breath. “Nate!” I squeaked, before doubling over to try and catch my breath. My hair was a frizzy curly mess, and my running clothes soaked with sweat. He came out of the library with a raised eyebrow. I motioned for him to follow me. I went upstairs, and with an order to sit in my chair and stay there, I went into my giant closet to change.

“So guess what I found?” I said, after removing my shirt and bra.

“I have no idea. Are you seriously changing in there?”

I laughed, poked my head out. “I shared a camp with 3 dwarven men, a suave horny elf, Alistair and 3 lovely ladies. Oh and Shale, but she was a golem and had no issues with nudity. After a while I just stopped caring who saw what.” He gave a nervous laugh, and pointed his eyes at the ceiling.

Chivalry, cute!

“Anywho! I found the vault! Your father's vault! And it's magically locked. With a DNA reader and a palm scanner. Really high tech.” I put on a black lace bra, matching boy short underwear. A pair of black leather pants, a gray tank and a black pocketed vest. I walked back out and sat on the bed, put my socks and boots on.

“Why are you so excited?” he asked me.

“Because I can feel something inside it! And because it's exciting!” I stopped doing my boots, looked at him. “Come on! Be excited! You could find some more of your family heirlooms! Or maybe a will, or maybe baby pictures that I can have framed and hung in the great hall!”

He scowled at me. “I dunno if I can get excited about the vault. What if we find more crap about my father being truly crazy?”

I shrugged. “Your father wasn't crazy when we were younger. Wily? Yes. A little too strict? Yes. Crazy? No. Please Nate?” I got up and grabbed his hand, attempted to pull him to his feet. Didn't work, since he outweighed me by a good hundred pounds. I pulled again, but this time he pulled back, a little too hard. And I landed on top of him, my chest against his, legs between his. My face was barely an inch from his. “Well. Uhm. This is not how I thought this would go,” I muttered.

“You smell good,” he blurted. My eyes shot up to his, and my heart started to thud deep in my chest. Then a knock sounded at my door and broke the moment. I scrambled to get off of Nate and he just sat there, grinning at me. When I finally extricated myself, I opened the door. My face was bright red, I could feel my skin on fire. Anders stood there, wearing a grin and his “I'm gonna go magic this place up” clothes. He had been helping the dwarves shore up the lower floors of the compound, the underground passages and such.

“I'm going with the dwarves for a bit. Should be back in time for dinner. You all good here?” he asked me, with a glance over my shoulder. I nodded. “Well you two have fun then.” He turned on his heel and walked away, whistling “Take Me Home Tonight”. The scoundrel. I turned and found Nate standing directly behind me. I jumped. Scowled.

“Let's go.”

And he followed me. We walked through the grounds in silence, until we came to an old outbuilding that hadn’t been kept up. From the outside. He looked skeptical. “You know this one is never used right? Decrepit and in major disrepair. Dad said that there was water damage or something.”

I smirked. “Or something!” I took out the sheath of keys I'd been given when given the property, and found the tiniest key of the bunch, and showed it to him. Etched into the key was a tiny infinity symbol. A symbol matching it was etched into the grungy lock on the door. I handed him the key and gestured at the door. He rolled his eyes, but moved to unlock the door. The front room of building was what you’d expect to find with the condition of the outside. I led the way through the back door, then through a second newer door. Perfect stone steps led down a good 50 feet. As we neared the bottom, I flicked the switch on the wall. A huge room lit up. Pillars, grids on the floor. And on the far side of the hexagon shaped room, was a blue lot pedestal. I walked across the room and pressed the panel on the pedestal.

“HANDPRINT REQUIRED - NATHANIEL HOWE” Flashed on the screen. Nates eyebrows shot up. I gestured again. He put his left hand on the screen, and a light flashed as it scanned.

“HANDPRINT VERIFIED - PROCEED TO DNA MATCH”

He looked at me. “What?” I pointed to a little tube that slid out of the pedestal. “Stick your finger in there.”

He shrugged and complied. Not a wince as a needle poked his finger tip, and a thing pressed against his skin taking the blood sample.

A spinning infinity sign showed on the screen with a blinking “Working” flashing under it. After a minute or so,

“DNA MATCH COMPLETE - PROCEED”

And a huge whooshing sound behind us caught us off guard. I spun and saw a huge hexagon shaped vault raising out of the floor.

“When did he manage to do all of this?” Nate asked. I shook my head.

“No clue. But it's SO cool!” I couldn't help myself. I was curious! I was practically shaking. One of the six sides hissed open to reveal a small room. I motioned for him to go first but he just shook his head. It was my turn to roll my eyes. I stepped forward and I was stunned. There were rows of paintings leaning against one of the walls. At least 20. 2 jewelry boxes sat on a pedestal off to the left. A stack of books were on another pedestal. They looked very old. At the very back of the room was a long table. On top was a long old wooden latched box. I walked through the other things and once I was at that box, I opened it. Inside may a very old, but very complex bow. I put my hand over it. _This_ is what I had felt. There was darkspawn blood there. And more.

“Nate you have to see this!” I called out to him. He spoke up from right behind me. I yelled. “Stop sneaking up on me!” He just chuckled. I stepped aside and showed him. He looked very surprised.

“This was my grandfather's bow! How did it get here?!” he said, awe etched into his face. He reached out and his brow furrowed. “Why.. Why can I feel it?” he asked me.

“Darkspawn blood. A lot of it. It would seem he killed a lot of them with this.”

“How? He abandoned his family back before I was even born. I have only ever seen pictures of him…”

I tilted my head, indicating the stack of books. “Diaries. Probably his. I think he was a Grey Warden.”

“How could you know that?”

I pointed to the little griffon insignia on the bindings of the books. He blushed. I smiled. He ran a hand through his hair. I had to physically stop myself from following suit. I sighed. He looked at me. I shrugged.

“Nate. All of this is yours.” He raised his eyebrow.

“Technically it's yours.”

I shook my head. “I never wanted Amaranthine, or the Arling. But as the Warden Commander I couldn't say no. But these things? They belong to you and your siblings. If I'm not mistaken there are a couple portraits of your mother over there.”

“Why would you do this?”

“Because punishing you for something.. Something your father did is stupid. You and your siblings were innocent in this, as much as I was. Just please.. Take the stuff. Give it to your siblings. Sell it. Keep it.” I turned to leave, my chest feeling tight. As I reached the door his hands closed around my arms.

“Please don't go.”

I sighed.

“Thank you. You have.. No idea how much this will mean to my sister. Maybe even my brother. Especially to me,” his voice was soft.

“I'm not doing it for gratitude. It's what's right here.”

“I know. That makes it all the more special,” his voice was right next to my ear. Goosebumps bloomed down my back and my arms. He turned me around to face him.

“You are nothing like what I expected, Rhay. You.. You're kind, and smart, wickedly funny. And your eyes, sometimes they're a little too deep, and a little too sad. Makes me want to banish all that bad inside you.” As he spoke he pulled me closer to him. The closer I got, the harder my heart beat. I put my hands on his chest as he drew me into his arms. I looked up at him.

“So small..  Yet you move mountains. How do you stand so strong under all that weight?”

“A lot of bluffing and quick thinking. And I'm smarter than I look. Resourceful too. And I'm handy with weapons, and I learn fast,” and I was babbling. He smiled down at me and just shook his head. I blushed and stopped talking.

“You're just a constant surprise. Want to know what's the oddest part of this?"

I could barely nod.

“How I, despite my best efforts, am still dreaming of you almost every night. I think of you when I'm not busy, or in the shower, or when I'm eating. You're everywhere. And I can't even complain.”

My mouth hung open. “In.. The shower?”

He smirked. And before either of us could speak again, his mouth settled on mine. My belly grew hot, and my breath hitched as my eyes closed. My fingers gripped his shirt, as my mouth opened beneath his. His tongue swept inside, tasting of coffee and chocolate. His hands spread on my back, pressing me closer. He deepened the kiss, his tongue persistent and skilled. When he finally pulled back, I looked up at him, dazed. His breathing was as labored as mine. His lips swollen, cheeks flushed. “Well that.. Was more than I expected.” I nodded. My gaze fell to his lips.

“Well. What now?” I asked quietly.

“Well,” he said with a smile. “Would you like to go on a date with me?” he asked. I raised my eyebrows.

“Me? On a date? Will they even let me go on a date? Oh my.. When was the last time I had a date?” I started rambling again. He laughed. I tried to pull away but he held me fast.

“Nuh uh. Answer me first.”

“If we can manage it, I would love to go on a date.”

He grinned. “Leave it to me,” he said, before kissing me again. Soft and gentle. Then he let me go, ushered me out of the vault, closed it and took my hand before leaving the building.

“Are we gonna talk about this?” I asked. He looked at me and shook his head.

“Nothing to talk about yet. Let's just.. Take it a step at a time.”

I sighed.

  


**Later That Week -**

 

Anders knocked at my door, and I answered it wrapped in only a towel. “You have no shame, woman,” he said grumpily. I pulled him inside.

“Anders! I have no idea what I'm doing! I haven't done.. This since before.. Before the Blight. I need your help!” I was totally whining and I couldn't help it. Leliana and Morrigan were gone and I hadn't had to “girl” in so long that I didn't know what I was doing.

Anders heaved a sigh. And from inside his vest, a tiny little orange cat head poked out. Mewed. Rubbed his little head on Anders’ chin. I coo’ed at it and reached to scratch his little chin. His tiny purr tickled me to my core. “Have you named him yet?" I asked Anders. He nodded.

“Meet Ser Pounce-a-Lot.” I grinned. Very Anders.

“Can you help me find something to wear? They sent me so many clothes and it's… Overwhelming. Please? I'm begging.”

“Fine fine. You're lucky I like you so much.” And with a mock-perturbed sigh he went into my closet.

“DID THEY EMPTY ALL THE CLOSETS IN THEDAS TO FILL THIS THING?!” he yelled at me from the depths of the closet. I smiled.

After a few minutes, and a few curses, he came out with three hangers, 3 pairs of shoes and a look of love. “Can that be my bedroom? I promise to leave if you get to doing dirty things with Nate. Please?”

I laughed. “What would Karl say if you slept in my room ,huh?”

“I don't know. We don't discuss the ‘Anders is bisexual, but Karl is so gay he's gay’ thing. I'm not at all attracted to you if that helps.”

I pretended to be miffed but I knew his eyes were only for the lovely Karl. He laid my choices out on the bed. A black and green sun dress, higher hem in from than the back, strapless. With a black leather belt and a pair of strappy sandals. Next was a white and gold super tight dress with a zipper going up on each side from the barely thigh length hem.  A pair of gold heels joined that one. Then came a sky blue tea dress, with a white sweater and white shoes. I looked at the black and green one. “That one. It's fun, and I can still strap my dagger to my thigh.” Anders sighed dramatically. “You don't need a weapon on a date.”

I looked at him. “I'm the Warden Commander, Anders. I must always have a way to protect myself. Besides which, I feel naked without it.”

I scooped up the clothes and disappeared back into the closet. When I emerged, the dress and sandals were in place. Anders gave a low whistle. I went to mirror and was surprised. The bodice was tight around my breasts, nipped in at the waist and just loose enough to wave around my legs. About 6 inches above my knees in the front, the back hung almost to my ankles. The sandals wrapped up my calves and were the softest black leather. There was a thick leather belt around my waist and a riot of curls on my head.

I went to the dresser, and grabbed a simple black comb and secured the curls above my right ear to my head, leaving the rest to roam free. I quickly put all my earrings back in. 6 per ear. And changed out my nose ring, for a simple silver hoop. Pulled a long griffon necklace over my neck. I grabbed the small bag I had set out earlier, and after checking to make sure my phone and small pistol was in it, I moved to the bed and lifted my dress just enough to wrap my dagger sheath around my right thigh.

“You had me until the sheathe. You’re scary efficient. Why do you take all the earrings out?" he asked me, ardently scratching the purring lump inside his vest.

I shrugged. “I don't want things catching them and tearing my ears. But I love them so I keep them.”

“Ah. I just hardly ever see you wear them. Well let's go then.. I'm sure he's worn a hole in the foyer floor by now.”

I took his outstretched arm and with my purse and a short leather jacket in my other hand, I followed him down the stairs.

Nate stood at the bottom, and if the look on his face was any indication, the dress was a hit. “You look… Amazing isn't even close to a good enough word.” His voice was rough. I stopped 2 stairs from the bottom and looked him over. He had black slacks on, a gray button down shirt that matched his eyes and black blazer over that. He had half his hair pulled back, and his eyes were fixed on me. He walked over to the stairs. “You look exceedingly dapper, Nate,” I said, my own voice rough. He grinned at me. His hand snaked out and grasped one of my curls. “Mm as soft as they look.” I just raised an eyebrow. He held out his hand, and I took it, my stomach full of butterflies. When we got outside I laughed, there sat my armored Hummer, with the driver.

“The only way I could convince the Seneschal to let me take you was if I took you in this with the driver. Does the divider work?” he asked me with an elaborate eyebrow wiggle. I chuckled.

“It works very well. I've had to change back there before. It works perfectly.” His eyes widened. “Thanks for that mental image I'll never forget when I see this thing again.”

He walked to the back door and opened it, helped me climb in. He followed suit and told the driver to go. I sat next to him on that big seat, unsure what to do next. He reached out and took my hand, his fingers tangling with mine.

“Tonight we’re just Rhaydyn and Nate. No Wardens, no Hero, no Howe’s. Just you and me.”

I nodded. I liked that idea. A lot. I took a breath.

I reached out and pressed the button to close the divider. Nate raised an eyebrow. I shifted on my seat, drew my left leg up under my right. Leaned my left arm on the seat back and looked at him.

“I have no idea what I'm doing,” I blurted out. He looked only mildly surprised. I sighed. “I dated some in college, the 2 years I was there. When I was home that last time, I met a boy. He was stupid and sweet and we had what we understood as a one night stand. He, he didn't make it home. Then while I was running around Ferelden, I had a fling with Zevran, but he had concerns for my reputation and ran off after I killed the Archdemon. And since then? Nothing.”

He nodded. “I haven't had any significant relationship in years. I didn't have time or motivation. Now? I have at least one of those and I think it's motivation.”

I laughed. He grinned. He turned on the seat to face me, grabbed my hand again. His left hand reached out and cupped my face, and I sighed.

“I'm going to kiss you again,” he said quietly. I just nodded as my heart started to pound. He leaned forward, drawing me towards him. His lips met mine, soft and gentle at first. His thumb pulled my chin down, and his tongue dived into my mouth, coaxing me almost. A swipe here. A nip there. A tug and a sigh. And he continued the kiss, for what felt like eons. My stomach was hot and I'm pretty sure my brain was melting.

And yet.. All he did was kiss me. For the longest time. His hand moved down to my neck, the other still holding onto my hand. Eventually, he pulled back, not letting go of my hand. He gave me this knowing grin. “I made reservations at this little Thai restaurant in Denerim. They have private dining rooms so you should be relatively safe. And of course it was Seneschal approved.”

I sighed. I love Thai food. “How long until we get there?” I asked.

“Probably at least another 20 minutes. Why?” he asked. I just smiled and shook my head. I shifted on the seat again, pulled both feet up and crossed my ankles under me. He moved to sit next to me, putting his right arm behind me, resting it on my shoulder. I laid my head against his shoulder and sighed.

“This is all very strange isn't it?” I asked.

“You know? The more I thought about it this week, the strange it felt - well I've known you a few months now. And this, whatever it is, feels right.”

I looked up at him. He smiled down at me. Butterflies took flight in my stomach again.

The rest of the drive, we made small talk. About favorite things, silly habits, things we had done in the intervening years since we saw each other last. By mutual silent agreement, neither of us mentioned our parents. When the Hummer finally drew to a stop, Nate climbed down then helped me down. He took my hand and led me inside. When we were seated in the little private room, he ordered a bottle of Antivan white berry wine. When our server left the room, I got nervous. Really alone.

“So, tell me something you never tell anyone,” he said with a sly smile. I grinned.

“I paint.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You.. Paint?” he asked.

I nodded. “I have paintings in galleries all over Thedas. You've probably seen some and didn't even know it. I was going to college to be an artist. And I'm really good. Like.. I've made millions good.” I was blushing by the time I stopped talking.

“You. The Hero of Ferelden. A famous painter. How does no one know this?”

“Because I use a different name. One I could copyright without issues. Sooo. I made a list of words with the letters from my full name and poof! Got a new one.”

My cell beeped at me from the purse. I got it out and flicked the screen. A text. From Leliana.

 **Leli:** **ARE YOU ON A DATE?! WITH NATHANIEL HOWE?**

I sighed.

 **Me:** **Yes. I am. I'm not 4 Leli. It's ok. I promise.**

I turned my screen off and as I went I put it back into my bag, she answered.

“Everything ok?” Nate asked. I nodded. “Leliana is asking where I am. I have a feeling Anders is stirring the pot. The jerk.”

 **Leli:** **How do I know that's true? What if you're there under duress? What if your hormones are clouding your judgement?!**

I laughed. “Nate? Can I ask for a really stupid favor?”

He nodded.

“I'm going to kiss you. And take a picture of it. And send it to her. Hormones my ass.”

He chuckled. “Well, since it's for.. Science.”

I got up and made my way around the table. He pushed out his chair and with no further thought on it, I sat on his lap. “Well hello there,” he said, his voice suddenly huskier. I smiled. Gripped his shirt and pulled his face to mine. After the initial shock, we settled into the kiss, and somewhere in there I managed to take a picture. Then I dropped the phone in my lap and dove into the kiss. My hands cradled his face, our tongues tangling, the taste of the wine heady and mesmerizing. When I heard a knock on the door, I reluctantly pulled my mouth from his while the waitress brought our food in. I went to move but he held me there on his lap. Once the young lady excused herself, Nate pulled my mouth back to his. His left hand threaded through my hair, and he gave this low growl when I bit his bottom lip as I pulled away again.

“Can I move now?” I whispered. He seemed to think it over. He went to speak but I put a finger to his lips. “If your answer isn't yes, I might cry. Because I'm starving. I haven't eaten all day, and as much as, oh boy, as much as I want to continue this, I want to eat.”

He heaved a sigh. “Let’s eat.”

I got off his lap, and blushed my way back to my seat. I sent Leliana the picture, and tucked the phone away. Then with a happy sigh, I dug into my meal. Being a Warden, somehow I was always hungry. Alistair explained it as the chemical change that made my metabolism faster. All I know is that I was hungry and ate a lot.

“Do you find yourself hungry too?” I asked Nate a few minutes later. He nodded. “I thought it was just me. Is it a Warden thing?”

I nodded too. “Alistair explained it stupidly, but apparently it affects our metabolism or something.” Then I went back to eating. Maker, this was good. I managed to clean my plate. Garlic chicken.

I finished my glass of wine and he refilled it. We sat there for another hour, talking and laughing. I ordered some mango ice cream and after a bit of coercing, got him to try it. Then he stole my spoon and started eating it. And not giving the spoon back. I moved to grab it and he held it out of reach. I went to get my fork and he nabbed that too. I narrowed my eyes. I know what game he's playing. I got up and rounded the table. “May I have my spoon?” I asked sweetly. He squinted at me. Shook his head. I bent close, my mouth a breath away from his. “Please?” I whispered. He swallowed. Shook his head again. I lightly touched my lips to his. Put my hands on his neck, pressed my lips against his. No tongue, just.. Lips caressing lips. Again, and again. His hands fell limp as I continued my administrations. I pulled away and he slowly opened his eyes. His lips were pink from mine and he looked as flustered as I felt. I kissed one more time and snagged my silverware, then pulled away with a grin. I went back to my seat and he just watched me.

“You're a wicked woman,” he said after clearing his throat and shifting in his seat. I offered him a bite. He just coughed and shook his head. And so I finished the ice cream, licking the spoon clean, his eyes watching me intently the entire time.

“I was going to suggest a movie but it's getting late. And the Seneschal told me to bring you back early. Cuz he's my mom. Or something.”

I laughed. “We can do a movie next time. Let's go home,” I said, standing up and holding out my hand. He left some cash on the table, and took my hand. We left the restaurant and climbed back into the Hummer. Nate tasked the driver with driving back to the compound, then he closed the divider. I sat next to him, my head deliciously fuzzy feeling. He took my hand and those butterflies took flight in my stomach again. He pulled it to his mouth. His lips brushed my knuckles. I sighed.

“So tonight was fun,” he said, smiling against my fingers. I nodded.

“I enjoyed every second,” I said, my voice low. He nodded. “I did too. Too bad it's over.”

I raised my eyebrows. “It doesn't have to be..” I said. He raised his eyebrows. I moved then, to kneel next to him on the seat. I put my hand out, traced my finger down his cheek. “We've spent nearly every day together, Nathaniel Howe, for months,” I whispered. “And as of the last week or so, every time I'm alone with you all I can think about is touching you. Or you touching me.” I wrapped my hand around his neck. He just waited, eyes on my face.

I moved my face close to his. Whispered, “Kissing you..” And I gently placed my lips on his. I sighed as his hand come up and wrapped around my wrist. I pulled his chin down, swept my tongue into his mouth. His eyes closed as we kissed. His other hand snaked around my neck. I pulled my lips from his, pressed my forehead to his.

“I dream about you,” I whispered. He smiled. “That's the best thing I've heard all day. Aside from your laugh. You’ve a lovely laugh,” he said quietly. I smiled this time. I reached down, lifted my skirt just a little, then swung my right leg over his, settling myself on his lap. He put his hands on my thighs, looked at me. I brushed a lock of hair off his forehead.

“Shall I move?” I offered. I knew he wouldn't make me but it's always nice to hear when you're wanted.

“Don't you dare. I like you right where you are. I dream about you too, you know,” he said with a smile. I beamed a smile at him. Couldn't help myself. I just felt.. Better.. Really. Than I had in months. More even. I always have this worry.. That becoming a Warden would limit my life in ways I'd never imagined. Like love. Or even being wanted again.

I sighed. Lowered my gaze. “Thank you,” I said quietly.

“What for?” he sounded confused. Couldn't blame him.

“For just being you. You treat me like a person. So many of the others.. I'm a hero and it's exhausting. But they keep me juuust out of reach. And it gets lonely. You and Anders make me feel like a person. But you more so.”

He took a breath. “9 months ago I wanted to kill the nameless, faceless Hero of Ferelden. But, when I learned the Hero was Rhaydyn Cousland, and hearing the stories about my dad,” he sighed, “well I doubted a lot of things. But meeting you again was like coming alive again. So thank _you_ , Rhay.”

His hand lifted my face, “I'm pretty sure you saved me,” he said quietly. I looked at him. He smiled, and we both moved, our lips meeting and the ferocity of our combined need was intense. My hands were on his neck, his right tangled in my hair, his left gripping my thigh. And there we stayed, pressed close, mouths exploring each other. The hand on my thigh crept higher, eventually coming to grip my butt, bringing my pelvis flush against his.

I could feel his arousal, tight and confined. I rubbed myself against him and his breath hitched. I pulled my mouth from his, slid my hands down his chest, unbuttoning his shirt, one button.. Two. Three buttons. I scratched at the skin I revealed and watched as goosebumps scattered across his tan skin. I pressed a kiss to his jaw, then his neck. My mouth next to his ear, “What if I said that you.. In fact.. Saved me? That I finally dreamed,” and my lips brushed his ear, “of something other than death. I dreamed,” and I pressed my core against his arousal, “of loving you and it brought me to life.”

He stopped breathing. I pressed a kiss to his ear, before slipping a hand between us to caress him through his pants. “Maker’s breath. You're trying to kill me,” he whispered.

“At least it's an enjoyable death,” I said with a smile. He nodded. Just as I moved to kiss him again, the hummer stopped. Over the small intercom, “We're at the compound, Commander. Do you.. Need a minute?” the driver said with a chuckle. “Oh. Maker. Yes. _shit_ , yes a minute please,” I muttered as I tried to scrambled off Nate’s lap. My face was flaming red and Nate sat there trying not to laugh. I righted my dress, and grabbed my purse, stuck my tongue out at him, and tried to exit the Hummer. But he grabbed me first. Pulled me back into his lap again, nuzzling my neck. His lips sent shivers coursing down my spine, and he ground his pelvis against my butt. “Give me a minute?” he asked me, his lips against my ear. I could barely manage a nod. His hand ran down my stomach, my thigh, and began to inch my dress up. Ever so slowly. He came to the garter there, holding my dagger. “You’re a resourceful one aren’t you?” he chuckled in my ear. Then he pulled the dress just a bit higher, and his fingers slid between my legs, cupping me. I stopped breathing. He ran his fingers up.. And down my slit, his skin so tantalizingly close but barely kept away by the barrier of my black lace underwear. His other arm was wrapped around my waist, keeping me close to his body.   
The hand between my legs began to explore in earnest then, skimming to one side of the lace, then the other. Still barely touching me. His lips were back at my ear, “I thought about touching you all evening,” and his finger slid just under the edge of the lace. “I wanted to get you as hot as you make me,” and it slid a little further inside.. Brushing against my folds. “You smell so exotic, and every time you touch me you make me hard. Over.. and over,” and as he spoke, his voice got lower, and his finger moved against me. Parting my lower lips, first dipping low to gather my aroused wetness, then slowly inching up, to graze against my clit. I gasped when he finally touched it. I twitched in his arm, my hips pressing me against his hand. My eyes closed, and his finger began to move. Tight little circles, against my already super aroused clit. I moaned as he rubbed, the intensity of what he was creating was almost mind boggling.

My right hand gripped the arm holding me, and my left covered my mouth. His finger moved down again, slid inside me. “Ah, Maker, you are so wet. So tight,” as he started to pump that one single finger inside me, and his thumb moving to rub my clit again. And so it went, for maybe thirty seconds, his voice in my ear, his teeth on my earlobe, and his finger inside me. I didn’t even try to deny it, I just let it happen.   
Glorious release, I moaned deep and low as my body clenched down on his finger, throbbing and aching. My heart was racing, ears ringing, and all the while he’s whispering all the things he wants to do to me. To do _in_ me.   
After a moment, he removed his hand, and raised his finger to his mouth, licking it clean. I almost died on the spot.   
“Now, where were we? Going inside?” he asked me with a chuckle. I nodded. Looked up at him, and he kissed me gently. Unwrapped his arm from my stomach and let me go. But I sat there for a minute still trying to breathe. When I finally moved, my legs shook. He just smiled when I tried to glare at him. He climbed out of the hummer, and held out his hand to help me down. When my feet were on the ground, I kept his hand. And led him back inside the house, past a gaping Anders, up the stairs and to my bedroom door. I pressed my forehead to the door.

“In or out, Nate?”

He pressed his body against my back, used his free hand to open the door and pushed me inside. Once he closed the door, and locked it, he pulled me into his arms. “Where were we again?” he whispered, just before claiming my mouth. I stood on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck. He lifted me off the floor, and I wrapped my legs around him. His tongue waged a new war with mine, hot and quick, as his hands roamed my body, almost frantic in their need to touch. He carried me to the bed and laid me down, never breaking contact. He settled between my legs and I sighed into his mouth. He pulled away, and knelt over me for a minute. His hands moved to my belt, unbuckled it and slid it out from under me. Then he removed his jacket. My fingers moved to the last few buttoned on his shirt and he dropped it onto the floor. My hands moved to the buckle on his pants but his stopped them. I raised my eyebrow and reached for the zipper on the side of my dress, and unzipped it. I started to pull it down, but he stopped me again. His hands moved to the top of the dress and pulled it down my chest, revealing the small back lace strapless bra I had on under it. He hummed appreciatively as he pulled the dress down further. I lifted my hips enough for him to pull the dress free, and after he shifted, he was able to drop it to the floor too. I laid there, in my underwear and sandals, staring up at him. His dark hair was coming free of the tie he had used to secure it. His skin was deeply tanned, and his muscled well defined, but not overly so. I sat up and knelt in front of him.

I put my hands on his chest, skin against skin. A light smattering of hair ran down his chest, narrowing to a trail of hair that ran into the top of his pants. Pants that were barely confining his own arousal. I looked up at him, eyes on his, as my fingers moved to the buckle on his pants again. This time he let me finish unbuckling them. Then I unbuttoned it, and slowly slid the zipper down. And with my eyes still on his, I ran my fingers lightly over his cock, over his boxers. A muscle next to his eye twitched but he waited me out. I slid my fingers inside the waist of his boxers, and started to draw them down his hips. After a few moments, I managed to free him. I looked down and a smile spread across my lips.   
“Not at all eager are we?” I whispered. He tried to chuckle, but it came out sounding strangled. As he finished removing his pants and boxers, I unfastened the clip between my breasts, holding my bra up. As it fell from my body, he stopped moving. And his face, ah his face. His eyes grew wide, and he licked his lips. He slowly remembered what he was doing, and after stripping, he climbed back onto the bed. He knelt in front of me and without further thought on it, I crawled towards him, and with one hand, I wrapped it around his cock. Then I placed a gentle kiss on the head, and he clenched his fist against his thigh. My tongue darted out, licking the tip, making his cock twitch in my hand. I swirled my tongue around it then, light and wet, a flick under the head, wringing a sound from him. Then I closed my lips around him, and sucked him slowly into my mouth. Hot, slightly salty tasting, and so hard. I started to move, sucking and releasing him, my hand following my mouth. His left hand slid into my hair, encouraging me. His hips started thrusting, pushing him deeper and deeper into my mouth. And after a minute or so more, he stopped me. He pulled away and took a shaky breath.   
“Our first time will not have me.. Coming in your mouth.”

I smiled at him and he tackled me back onto the bed. I laughed as he covered me, skin against skin. His hips against mine. He kissed me once, then twice, and his hands moved to remove my underwear. As he slid them down my legs, I kicked them off my foot. He chuckled, and pressed his face to my neck. He moved then, to straddle my legs. His hands were on my hips, large and dark against my pale skin. He slid them up, to my ribs, then to each cup a breast. I gave a soft moan when he leaned down and took one in his mouth, his teeth lightly scraping my nipple, bring it to a hard little peak in his mouth. Then he moved to my other breast, sucking it deep into his mouth. My hand threaded into his hair, and he brought his face back to mine.

He nudged my legs open and settled between them again, his cock flush against my core. I had to really resist moving against him. He kissed me, short and sweet. “You’re sure?” he asked me, uncertainty written on his face. I reached up, brought his face to mine, stopping just shy of my lips.   
“Beyond sure, make love to me, Nathaniel,” and my lips brushed against his, once, twice. Then his mouth claimed mine, and as his tongue dove in, his hips shifted and he rubbed against me. I moaned into his mouth, my hips pressing to his, the need to have him all too great to resist. His hand reached between us, guiding his cock to my waiting entrance, and with a slow thrust, he finally slid inside me. I gasped as he filled me, and his own breathing stopped. Our hearts hammered together, and after a moment, he started to move. Slowly withdrawing, then a quick thrust back in. I gripped his arms, as he filled me again and again, driving us both higher and closer. His hand moved to touch me again, as his hips never ceased their thrusting. His finger rubbed, and caressed, drawing moans from me, and making me twitch under him. He pulled his head back and just watched me as he slowly drove me crazy.

“Your face is so expressive,” he whispered, with something akin to awe in his voice. I tried to smile but I was far too close. He thrust once, then twice, and I cried out when I came, his hand trapped between us as I shuddered to pieces beneath him. Within seconds, he was growling his own release, and his seed spilled hot and deep inside me. Throbbing, and clenching and barely breathing, we laid there on the bed, tangled in each other. His arms were shaking and I pulled him close, enjoying the weight of him collapsing on me. I combed my fingers through his hair as I tried calming my own racing heart.

He tried to speak, but came out a whisper. “Well, then.” And I laughed. Couldn’t have stopped it if I had tried. He chuckled against my neck.

“Did you see Anders’s face?” I whispered loudly. He laughed in earnest then. “I think you scared him,” he answered with a grin. I started to laugh again and we laid there, laughing and sweaty and it was a perfect moment. Eventually he moved off of me, and we cleaned up some. I asked him to stay. When we curled up together under the gigantic blankets on my gigantic bed, he pulled me close and we just enjoyed the moment. My head was on his shoulder, my left leg on top of his, my hand on his chest. I looked up at him.   
“Nate?” I whispered.   
“Mmm?”

I scooted up, bringing my face close to his. “What does this mean?” I asked.   
His right hand came up and brushed the hair from my face. “For the time being, whatever you want it to. Though, from what I gather from your tone, you want the ‘more’ bit. So it’s more. Rhay and Nate, against the world?” he offered with a smile. I grinned down at him before frowning. “Am I really that easy to read?” I asked. He shook his head.   
“Not so much. But after months of watching you, and knowing how we both feel. It’s right. Isn’t it?”

I nodded. Then I kissed him again, light and sweet, then laid back on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around me and we settled down to sleep. As I started to drift off, I thought I heard him whisper a soft, “Thank you.”

 

The next morning, I overslept. By a lot. 3 hours. Because at some point in the night, I  woke up to Nate touching me, and kissing me, and we had made love again at 4 in the morning, quiet and tenderly, and an hour or so later had finally fallen back into an exhausted sleep, tangled in each other and smiles on our lips. He was still sleeping next to me, on his stomach, the pillow he’d been sleeping on long gone. His face was towards me, and his hair was fanned out behind his head. I laid there watching him sleep for a few minutes.

Little butterflies danced in my stomach, and I pressed a hand to my mouth. I was really doing this. I was falling in love. I rolled off the bed and went to my closet. I rummaged around, and came up with a suitable outfit for the day. Black cargo pants, black leather combat boots, a bright teal tank top to wear over a black strappy bra thing, and a vest. I heard a sound, and turned around to find Nate standing in the doorway of the closet. Naked. Looking at me, standing there in.. just a pair of boyshort underwear. I put my hands on my hips. He grinned and crossed his arms over his chest, getting comfortable against the doorjamb.

I walked over to him, putting my hands on his hips. “Good morning,” I said, my voice a little rougher than I had intended.

“Would have been better if you hadn’t abandoned me in your bed,” he said with a smirk. I wrinkled my nose at him. His hands shot out and wrapped around me, pulling me against his body. I looked up at him. “Nate. I am starving. You made me oversleep by 3 hours. 3. Hours. And I’m wasting away here.” He made appropriate sympathetic noises. But didn’t move. I arched my eyebrow. I put my hands on his neck, and stood on my toes. My face was still inches from his. So he fixed the situation, his hands on my butt, lifting me against his chest. I gasped and wrapped my legs around him.   
“Now.. now it’s a good morning,” he said before crushing his mouth against mine. He walked into the closet, pressing me against a wall, and proceeded to take me against the wall.

  
I was 4 hours late for breakfast.


	2. Mother Knows Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhaydyn get an injury while Nate is away, and things get dicey. She pulls through and admissions are made in the heat of the moment.

**Rhaydyn - 2 Months Later -**

 

I sat on the floor of the study. Strewn across the walls were hundreds of pictures. Notes. Documents. Purple and red strings spread across it all, tying events and people and things together. We were so close. And I was so tired. 2 years of this crap. Never ending Darkspawn crap. Now talking Darkspawn. Crap.

I rubbed a hand over my face, grabbed the glass of wine I had with me on the floor. Took a sip, staring at the wall, but not really seeing any of it. The constant burn on my side was a reminder of how close we had come just last night. The 12 stitches and 2 staples were definitely going to leave a mark. Anders wasn’t going to be back for another day or so. And his healing was far superior to the hack we had on hand. I was of half a mind to fire his ass.

The throbbing under the wound intensified. I sighed and refilled my cup. Took a drink. Ran a hand through my short hair. Nate was in Amaranthine visiting with his sister. He had taken a bunch of the stuff from the vault to her. Minus the bow, that he was keeping. And rightly so. 5 days gone. And he was going to be mad at me when he got back. I sighed. My phone vibrated next to me on the floor. I squinted at it, hoping it would go away. I was nicely buzzed at this point, a blissful distraction from the nagging ache in my side.   
It buzzed again. I stuck my tongue out at it. Then it started to ring. Nates face appeared on the screen, accompanied by the song “Need You Now” which was hokey and why did he do that? I picked it up, swiping at the screen. “Yeeess?” I answered.   
“Why weren’t you answering your text’s?” he asked me, his voice conveying a good bit of ‘grumpy’.   
“Because I’m sitting here drinking and thinking?”   
“Bad reason, woman.”   
“Nate.”   
“Rhay. I’m on my way home. Are you ok?”

“I’m.. fine.”  
“You hesitated,” he said quietly.   
“I’m fine. I promise. I missed you,” I attempted to change the subject.   
“I missed you too. My sister says hi.”   
“She’s so sweet. I always liked her when we were younger,” I said with a grin.   
“Everyone likes her. It’s her fatal flaw.”   
“Awe. Not so much. Anyhow, how long do you think you’ll be?” I asked.

“Less than a half hour. Why?”

“Because I am currently pleasantly buzzed and plan to stay that way. I’ll be in the study when you get home.”  
“Home is it?” he teased.   
“Well I should think so. We’ve christened most of this place by now,” I said, feeling a blush steal up my neck.   
“Are you blushing?”

“Nope. Not even a little. Why?” I feigned innocence.  
“No reason. Hey.. I’ll see you in a little bit. Miss me more ok?” he asked.   
I chuckled. “More very minute,” I answered, my voice husky.   
“You’re killing me,” he said.   
I laughed. “I could wax poetic about my nearly naked state and describe all the things I missed most about you while you were gone. Like your hands.. And your mouth touching me..” I said slowly.   
“Do you truly hate me so?” he whined.

“Hate is nothing near what I feel for you,” I said, laying back on the floor and trying not to wince.   
“What is that then?”

“Lo.. lust. Copious amounts of it. Amongst other things. Why do you ask?”

“Just curious. I’ll be home soon. Be good,” he said with a chuckle.   
I stuck my tongue out at him. “Drive safe. Come home in one piece. Miss me a little more okay?”   
He laughed. “Not possible, wench. See you soon.”   
And he hung up the phone. I laid there staring at my now blank phone screen, until I dropped the phone on my face. I scowled, rubbing my forehead. I left the phone on the floor. I rolled into my side and used my arms to lift myself back into a sitting position. I downed the rest of my wine and filled the cup again. Maybe I could drown how much it really hurt before he got here…

 

I went back to staring at my wall of crazy. I was still sitting there, a 5th glass of wine in my hand, when Nate sat down next to me. I looked at him and gave him a grin. I think.

“Are you drunk?!” he asked, astonishment covering his handsome face.

“Maybe a little?” I answered. “It might be the drugs Felton gave though. That and the many glasses of wine. Which is light and fruity. By the way.” I offered him the last inch in my cup. He snatched it from my hand and downed it before I could protest. I frowned at him. “How rude.”

“What drugs, Rhay?”

“For the pain. Why are you frowning like that? It makes you look mean, Nathaniel.”

“Mean? I look mean? What did you do Rhay? Why do you need pain meds?”

“Tis but a flesh wound,” I muttered. Why all the questions? Let my fuzzy brain be, dude.

“Right. Well then.” He knelt and picked me up off the floor, and I hissed. “Flesh wound my ass,” he mumbled as he carried me from the room. I laid my head on his shoulder and sighed.

“You smell fabulous,” I said against his shoulder. He chuckled. He made his way through the house and up the stairs.

“You smell like wine,” he replied. He carried me into the bedroom and kicked the door behind him.

“You're all authoritative tonight, Nathaniel Howe. It's amazingly sexy.”

He stood me on the floor in front of the bed and proceeded to undress me. When he saw the bandage on my side he squinted at me. “Flesh wound?”

I nodded, yawning. “I found a spirit dragon. Did you know spirits can come in dragon form? And she was such a beauty, when she wasn't trying to eat my head. And apparently dragon claws, spirit or no, can slice a person open.”

“You got attacked by a spirit dragon and it clawed you?” he asked. And even in my not so sober state I could hear the doubt in his voice. I squinted down at him and attempted to make myself look serious. “Am I a liar?” I asked. He raised a black eyebrow. “Besides it wasn't just a dragon. I got shot too. That little bastard got what was comin’ to him though.” I squinted. “Am I still a liar?”

“Not that I'm aware of,” he said as he stood back up. I sighed. I had to stop looking at him. I closed my eyes. “So logically, if I'm not a liar then I'm telling the truth, yes?” I asked.

“Would you stop that?” he asked with a laugh. I shook my head. “Your face is distracting and I'm already woozy from the booze. We accidentally stumbled on a spirit dragon in the Blackmarsh. Amongst other things. I’ll be fine when Anders gets back. The hack of a healer they have now made the worst poultice and his healing potions leave much to be desired, like actual healing. It barely hurts,” I tried to persuade him. He snorted.   
“I’m putting you to bed,” he stated when I started to get wobbly. I opened my eyes and nodded. Boy, he was pretty. I reached out and put my hand into his hair. “I love your hair, Nate,” I whispered. He grabbed my hand and kissed it before lifting a very naked and pliable me onto the bed. He left me there and after picking up my clothes, he went into the closet to change. He came back out naked himself and crawled onto the bed beside me. I curled up on the side that didn’t hurt and he snuggled up against my back, gently wrapping an arm around me.   
“I had come home with the intention of seducing you,” he muttered into my hair. I sighed. “I’m sorry that stupid dragon ruined your plans.”   
“I’ll live. There is always tomorrow. Besides that, laying here with you after a week away is nice. I barely slept while I was in Denerim.” I grinned into the dark. Good.   
“Nate?” I whispered.   
“Hmm?” “I missed you too.”   
“Who said I missed you?” he mumbled.   
“I do. Sleep sweet,” I whispered before falling into sleep.

 

The next morning I woke up sprawled on top of him, my head on his chest and my left leg wrapped around his hip. I closed my eyes and just listened to his heartbeat. I felt.. Almost peaceful after the week apart. I took a deep breath, and gasped at the pain searing through my side.

“Are you sober?” I heard him sleepily ask me.

“Apparently so. Was I that bad?” I asked. His hand came up to tangle in my hair.

“Nah. A little sloshed is nothing to worry about. However that wound is a different matter.”

I sighed. “Anders should be home in a bit. They can remove the stitches and staples then.”

“The.. What?”

“Ah. Well. I may have overestimated the aiming power of a 1 eyed Hurlock? And the dragon...” I suggested with a slight shrug.

“Rhay, they poison their arrows! Did you have the healer give you an antidote?!” he sat up, dragging me up with him.

“I don't.. Remember. Seriously, I drank at least 3 vials of horrible stuff and I was pissed off that it was my fault, so I didn't check.”

“You need a babysitter sometimes,” he muttered as he peeled the bandage from my side. His eyes grew huge. “Call Anders. See when he'll be here. If it's more than an hour out we need to get you to a hospital.” His voice, usually so reassuring and calming, terrified me. I looked down and saw little streaks of sick green spreading from the initial arrow slice, and up into the claw mark from the dragon. “Well that's rude,” I sneered. He raised an eyebrow and shook his head.

“And I don't need a babysitter. I need to end this stupid ‘invasion' or whatever. And it's driving me insane.” A knock at the door interrupted my tirade. I grabbed the sheet and pulled it over my chest. Nate grabbed the other side and did the same. “Come in,” I called out.

The Seneschal stood there, looking rather worried. “The healer just called me. He just realized he gave you the wrong antidote, and he needs you in the infirmary.”

I could feel the blood drain from my head. Nate affirmed what the man had said and sent the Seneschal on his way. Then he rushed into the closet and grabbed one of his button up shirts, and slid it around my body. After buttoning it he grabbed a pair of loose yoga pants and helped me put those on too. Then he put pants and boots on, scooped me up and carried me out the door.   
I could feel it now, now that my head wasn’t all fuzzy from drinking too much, or waking up in the man I love’s arms. Icy terror snaked through me, and I held on to Nate with no argument as he strode through the house and out onto the grounds. He kicked the door to the infirmary open and yelled for the healer. Said healer came rushing through another door, apologizing profusely.

“I'm so sorry, Warden Commander. I don't know how this happened! Somehow the vials got switched and you got the wrong one. I really hope we caught this in time!”

Nate growled at the poor man, “Your incompetence could cost her her _life,_ healer. You should go back to college and learn some more. So you don't make this mistake again.”

The doctor visibly shrank under the glare Nate served him.

I put my hand on his cheek, “Put me down and call Anders,” I said, trying to distract him. He glanced down at me and with a curt nod, he laid me on the gurney the doctor pointed to. He didn't leave my side as he called Anders, and after a very brief conversation he hung up. “He'll be here in an hour. You're to give her the antidote and make her comfortable. No more fuck ups,” he muttered. The doctor paled and nodded. He went to a cabinet and withdrew a small vial and needle. “This is the intravenous antidote. Should stop the spread of the poison. Anders told me which one to use to make it work faster.” I just nodded and let him go about injecting me. I hissed when it entered my bloodstream and barely suppressed the urge to hit the doctor. It felt like fire in my veins.

Then it felt like a druffalo sat on my chest, and I couldn't breathe. I gasped, trying to catch air, my fingers clutching at Nate’s hand.

I could hear him yelling at the doctor, and other feet rushing into the room. The edges of my vision blurred and then blissful black.

 

When I woke up, my entire body felt like it was floating. I could feel someone's hand in mine, though I couldn't really see in the dim light of the room I was in. I tried to move, but I really just twitched and with a sigh I laid there.

“You scared me beyond belief, Rhay,” Nate whispered next to my ear. A shiver coursed through me. “After everyone and everything I've lost.. Nothing terrified me more than when your heart stopped beating.” I felt his head lay on my arm. I tried to speak. Tell him I was here. But something in my throat prevented me from talking. I felt water on my arm.

Crying? Was Nate Howe crying? For me?

“I don't know if I could ever forgive myself if you died without knowing how much you matter to me.” His voice sounded strange. “Please, love, wake up,” he pleaded softly.

_Love._

One word. I felt it almost galvanize me. I mentally pushed through the fog and tried to move. My fingers twitched.

“Rhay?” he asked, suddenly appearing above my barely open eyes. I nodded, slightly but there it was. He yelled for Anders and within seconds he appeared by my other side.

“There you are, you beautiful minx.” He looked as relieved as I felt. “I'm going to take the tube out, when I tell you to I need you to cough as hard as you can.” I nodded and he told me to cough, I did and Maker that hurt so bad. Nate handed me a cup of water with a straw and I drank as much as I could. When I handed it back to him, he set it down then kissed me gently.

“I was so worried,” he whispered. I nodded, still unable to talk. Anders started to speak.

“Apparently the antidote I had the other ‘doctor' give you was wrong as he misidentified the poison used. He's gone by the way, you're very welcome. Your heart stopped. Twice, Rhay. It's been 3 days. You were in a coma.”

I stared at him like he was crazy. 3 days?!

Nate spoke this time. “They intubated because you were having too much trouble breathing on your own. Between Anders and Velana they’ve healed your body almost fully. What they didn't do, modern medicine did. Let's just not repeat this, alright?”

“You're staying here one more night to make sure you are out of the woods. And I'll do another healing session in a bit to make sure. But you're lucky I can drive like a maniac safely, Rhay. Had I been even 5 minutes later you would have died,” Anders said quietly. I sighed. “Thank you,” I whispered, grabbing his hand. He pulled it to his mouth and kissed it. “You're my best friend, woman. Be more careful, we need you around. I need you around. Damnit.” I tried to laugh but it hurt so I stopped. He kissed my head and knuckle bumped Nate before leaving the room.

“If he wasn't with Karl I’d worry about my place around here,” Nate teased. I shook my head frantically. “Oh I know I'm safe,” he reassured me when he saw how worried that made me.

“Nate,” I whispered. He shook his head and put a finger to my lips.

“No. Me first. Nothing like a life altering moment to make one realize the important things, right?”

I nodded and waited. My heart was racing in my chest.

“My sister told me that I needed to tell you soon. How I really feel. Because we live a dangerous life and there are no promised tomorrow's.” He grabbed my hand and pulled it to his face. Took a deep breath.

“So. I never expected this. This whole relationship. Because, as we know, I came here to kill you initially. And every single day I am beyond glad I didn’t. Because I’m fairly certain I love you beyond reason and I can’t imagine a life without you in it,” he whispered against my hand. I felt wet on my cheeks, realized I was crying. He reached out and wiped his thumb across my cheek. “Are you alright?” he asked with a chuckle. I nodded and reached for his face. I pulled him close and put my mouth to his ear.   
“I’ve been falling in love with you since before our first date. That’s part of why I was drinking the other night, because I had no idea what to do about it,” I whispered. I turned his face and kissed him softly.   
“You never cease to amaze me, Rhay. Are you saying you love me?” he teased. I nodded. “That’s good because I am never letting you go again,” he said with a grin. I smiled back, then yawned.

“Are you hungry?” he asked me, frowning. “Tired? Do you need anything?”

I laughed quietly. Shook my head and closed my eyes.   
He loved me. How about that?   
  
Next thing I knew, I was waking up again and the room was mostly dark. Nate was sleeping in the reclining chair next to the bed, covered in a blanket and looking nearly peaceful. I tried to shift on the bed, but when the room started to spin I stopped and laid my head back down. 3 days. What kind of special moron was that quack who was supposed to be a “healer”?  I looked around the room and found my cell sitting on the table next to me. I picked it up and went to send Anders a text. I laughed when I saw what his name had changed to in my phone.

**Me** **: When did you change your name in my phone to “Heroic Sexy Savior” ?**

**Heroic Sexy Savior** **: Ah. While you were in your coma. Nate and I had a good laugh about it. He’s a pretty good guy, lady. Better keep that one. I am *almost* jealous. But then there’s Karl and I’m so not.**

**Me** **: I wouldn’t be able to let him go <3 Anywho… thank you. For everything. Seriously. ** **  
** ****

**Heroic Sexy Savior** **: Eh. You would have done the same for me. Cuz you love me. *SMEWCHIES***

**Me** **: Of course I do, but I can still say thank you. Cuz you are my boo :-***

**Heroic Sexy Savior** **: AAWWEEE Shucks! BTW - He hasn’t left your room except to pee. Seriously that guy is enamored or something. He pays the staff to bring him food and drinks. Like inordinate amounts of money. Must be nice.**

**Me** **: Well. Way to make me melt a little further there. He told me he loved me earlier. I think my heart exploded.**

**Heroic Sexy Savior** **: He cried you know. Like a little baby. When I started your heart the second time. Which sucked btw. You scared the shit out of me.**

**Me** **: How do you think I felt?!**

**Heroic Sexy Savior** **: You felt nothing wench! You were GONE! I watched you DIE and I thought Nate was going to die because YOU were dying and I had never been so fucking glad for magic in my entire frigging life.**

**Me** **: Next time Ima call you immediately and you can save me even from afar, deal?**

**Heroic Sexy Savior** **: Who said I’m leaving for this long again? No thank you! You’re stuck with me now woman.**

**Me** **: *sighs dramatically***

**Heroic Sexy Savior** **: I love you, dunno why but I do. No more of this kinda scare for me. Or Nate. Crying over you like a love sick puppy. It was so adorable. And heartbreaking. No. Thank. You.**

**Me** **: I love you too goofball. I am not leaving your name this in my phone tho. Your ego is healthy enough. Pssh.**

I could hear Anders laughing out in the hallway, and then the door to my room slowly swung open.   
“I wanted to check your vitals and all that before I go back to the keep for the night. You feeling ok?” he whispered as he walked to the bed. I nodded and scooted back on the bed to sit up a bit. He listened to my heart and then he was hugging me very tightly. “Never again, Rhay. Never. You hear me?” he whispered. I just hugged him back and tried not to cry.   
Scary thing, that. Almost dying. When he finally left the room with a promise to return with yummy goodies for breakfast for Nate and I, I turned onto my side and watched Nate sleep. As if on cue, he moved and opened his eyes. His face lit up when he saw me awake. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, I am. Are you?” I teased quietly, surprised my throat barely hurt. He stretched then got up and came to sit on the edge of the bed, smoothing hair away from my face. I sighed. “You think if I move over enough you can fit in the bed behind me?” I asked. He raised an eyebrow and assessed the bed.   
“I think so.”   
He got up and moved around the bed, taking off his boots and dropping them on the floor. I scooted closer to the railing and he climbed under the blanket behind me on the bed, wrapping an arm around me. His arm slipped under my pillow and I snuggled as close to him as I could get. “This is much better,” I muttered.   
“It really is. Do you remember our talk earlier?” he asked, sounding almost worried.   
“How could I ever forget?” I asked, turning my head to glance up at his face. He kissed me then, this gentle lovely kiss that spoke far more than the desperate needy ones we had shared so many times. Then he settled me back onto the bed.

“Get some sleep, we can talk more tomorrow,” he whispered into my hair.   
“Nate?”   
“Hmm?”   
“I love you,” I said. He took this deep breath.   
“I love you too,” he answered, kissing my head.   
And with that I fell asleep.

Anders showed up the next morning with 2 huge bags of food and a tray of coffee’s. We sat and ate and they filled me in on what few happenings had happened while I was in the coma. After we ate, Anders did some more healing on me, to make sure I was back in top shape.

“You’ll need to take it easy for a day or two. Nothing strenuous like running to the Blackmarsh and fighting dragons and shit again,” he admonished me. I had the grace to blush, seeing as it had landed me in a world of hurt. I looked at Nate and blushed again.   
“Yes you can do.. Whatever the hell it is you dirty birds do when I am not around. Please. Wait til I am not around.”

Nate choked and I just laughed. Anders declared me fit to leave the infirmary and with Nate’s help, I put on the clothes he had brought me from the main house and he drove me back up there. The Seneschal waited for me in the main hall, apologizing profusely about the lack of care the healer had given to me. Me being the Warden Commander after all. I frowned. “It shouldn’t matter who he was treating.. He made massive mistakes that could have cost a life, mine or otherwise. I really hope that was addressed, yes?”

The Seneschal looked worried. “Probably not, but it will be Commander. Right away,” he said, before saluting and practically running from the room. I sighed.   
“I need a bath, I feel like I haven’t bathed in a week or two,” I said as I made my way up the stairs towards our room. Nate followed quietly. Once in the room, I made my way to the closet and started to undress. I could hear Nate moving about in the bedroom. I slipped a robe on then went to the bathroom and started to fill the gigantic tub with hot water. I went and stood in the doorway and watched him. He seemed almost nervous. I sighed. Walked to him and stopped his movements.   
“Are you alright?” I asked quietly, putting my hands on his chest. He nodded. “I’m fine. Just.. unsure of how things will progress from here.”   
“Do they need to change much for the time being? Admitting to love doesn’t change the world, Nate. Just makes it a little better. We have time. A lot more than we could have had.”

He sighed and put his arms around me. “No big expectations?”

I shook my head. “I’m not a ‘big expectations’ kind of girl. Too much crap has happened the last couple years for me to be that person anymore. I will be more than happy to take this a day at a time.”   
“You are so odd,” he murmured. I laughed, grabbing his hands and pulling him into the bathroom with me. When I got in there, I turned off the main faucet and turned on the overflow faucet. The one that kept the water hot and the tub full. Then I turned and told him to remove his boots. He raised a dark eyebrow and complied. Then I helped him undress, and he returned the favor with my robe. He climbed into the water first and I followed. When we had settled into the water, my back against his chest, my hips between his legs, I sighed and closed my eyes.   
His hand entwined with mine, and we sat there in comfortable silence for a while, just soaking in the hot water.   
“Nate?”

“Yes?”   
“What do you want after all of this stupidity with the Darkspawn is done?” I asked.   
He stayed quiet for a few moments. “Honestly, I have no idea. This is all pretty new to me, and obviously as a Grey Warden I can’t go back to a regular life anymore. What about you, Warden Commander?”

“I want life. I like the idea of going about and doing Grey Warden things with you. Travel and intrigue and whatever. I just can’t see moving on from whatever this is.. From you. Not now.”  
“That’s good. Because I probably wouldn’t have let you leave without me.”

I grinned. “Really now? And how would you go about that then? Hmm?”

His other arm slipped around my stomach, drawing me tighter against him. His mouth touched my ear, “You, woman, are mine,” he said, his voice low and gritty. It sent shivers racing down my spine, despite the hot water we were immersed in. Then his hand was sliding up, over my breast and up my neck to turn my head. Then his mouth was on mine. Slow and tantalizing, his tongue teased mine. This tangle of heat spread through me, somehow sweeter after knowing how he really feels. His hand held my head to his, while the other slipped down my body to caress a breast, sweet pressure, barely there touches. Then it slid down my stomach, between my legs.   
Then he was parting me, sliding his fingers against my hot skin under the water and feeding the need that was ever present. Rubbing my clit, sliding fingers inside me, creating this delicious rhythm that took my breath away. I could feel his cock against my back, hot and hard. He kept my mouth, slowly kissing me crazy, his hand persistent. He pushed me, rubbing and thrusting, pushed me towards a much craved release. I pressed against his hand, desperate for more. He released my mouth, and whispered encouragement to me as he took me over the edge.

When I cried out, his hand kept moving, drawing out the orgasm. When he finally stopped, and watched me as I struggled to breathe still, he kissed my nose. I moved out of his arms and turned around in the tub.   
When I faced him, he had this almost feral look on his gorgeous face. I knelt between his legs, and wrapped my hand around his cock under the water.

His breath caught in his throat and his eyes closed as I started to stroke him slowly. I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his neck. Then another closer to his ear. Then his jaw, as my hand continued to grasp his deliciously hard arousal. Then I found his mouth, and laid gentle teasing kisses on his lips. Tugging his lower lip between my teeth, drawing a growl from him.

His hand wrapped around mine, squeezing our fingers as we continued to stroke his cock. I ran my other hand up his chest, to tangle in his hair as I deepened the kiss. He sighed into my mouth, his tongue locked with mine, breath hot. Then his hands were lifting me and I was on his lap.   
His cock was hot against my core, and I gave an appreciative hum when I was pressed against his chest. “Well hello there, beautiful,” he murmured, his mouth against my throat. I shifted my hips, drawing his cock against my folds, reveling in the friction it created. His hand slipped between us, and then he was lifting me onto his cock, and with the aid of the hot water, he was quickly deep inside me. I moaned. What else could I do? He filled me in a way no one ever had before. And I loved every part of him. Then he was moving inside me, and my brain melted out my ears. He held my hips as he thrust, the hot water sloshing around us.   
The pressure of his pelvis against my clit, the friction and the hot water, and his mouth on my neck doing other delicious things. So much to feel. And still he thrust, relentless and strong. Drawing me further and further. Pressure building. Heat spreading. Heart racing. “Rhay.. you’re killing me,” he whispered against my skin. Then his teeth scraped along my neck, drawing a moan from me. He held my hips, grinding his pelvis against me, his cock hard and deep inside me. I clutched at his shoulders as the pressure clawed at my insides. A litany of words raced out of my mouth, between _please_ and _Nate_ and _Maker save me_ . He chuckled, and groaned when my body began to pulse against his cock.   
My head fell back, the sound leaving me breathy and long, as I fell to pieces in his arms. “Fuck.. yess..” was whispered against my neck, as his own orgasm tore through him. Throbbing and shaking, muscles gripping and pulling. Ears ringing, blood rushing. I fell forward in his arms, my head on his shoulder, breath shallow and labored. He tried to chuckle but it came out almost wheezy. I patted his face with my wet hand and he just shook his head. I picked my head up and looked at him. He just kissed me again. Sweet and slow, lingering and enticing. My body was still twitching around him, and his kiss did nothing for my state of arousal.   
Fanning the flames, as it were. When he pulled his mouth away, he looked very satisfied with himself. “Did this seem more intense to you?” he asked, pulling me tighter against his chest.   
“Everything always seems more intense, but yes. Why? Because you suddenly know I love you?” I teased.

“Maybe. It’s not a small thing you know. It wasn’t a word bandied about in my house much growing up, at least not by anyone other than my mother occasionally or my sister. Even my brother seemed allergic to the word. ‘You too, bro.’ That’s what he would say,” he rambled. I put my hand to his face, rubbed my thumb across his lips.   
“I do love you and this was amazing.”   
“I love you too. Thank you for not running away from me,” he whispered. I laughed.   
“I am pretty sure I pursued you as much as you did me,” I said, grinning.

“Maybe I wanted you to THINK that,” he replied, wiggling his eyebrows at me. I scooped water and splooshed it in his face. He sat there for a moment, a look of bewildered shock on his face. Then he calmly lifted me off of his lap and sat me in the water, scooped up water with both of his hands and dumped it over my head. I sputtered and tried to wipe the hair away that was suddenly plastered to my face. As I reached up to do so, his fingers attacked my ribs. Squealing, I tried to scoot back in the water, still mostly unable to see, but he was bigger than me.. And could see.   
Laughing and flailing in the water, I eventually got my hair out of my eyes and I smacked him on the shoulder. He gave me a look, a look that said “You hurt me” while simultaneously saying “Bahahahaha” and damn it looked sexy on his stupid wet face.   
I held out my hands in surrender. He pouted. I scooted back towards him, and knelt on the floor of the tub. He winced when he saw the angry red mark on my side. “That was too close,” he said quietly, tracing a finger over it. I looked down, and while it wasn’t pretty, it was a hell of a lot better than the weird green thing that had been there a few days ago. “I promise to be more careful,” I started to say, but his hand came up and hushed me.   
“No you won’t. You have a job to do. A calling. As do I. Responsibilities. And so we will do them to the best of our abilities, and pray fervently we come out the other side in one piece. Because I want to explore all of this for a very..” his hand pulled me closer to him, “long,” and his other hand wrapped around my neck, “time,” he whispered before kissing me again. My hands grasped his face and I clung to him. This was less of an “impassioned lusty” kiss and more of a “you are mine and I intend to keep it that way” kiss. Which was perfectly alright with me. It was slow, methodical, thorough and hot. His tongue teasing mine, and his hands hot on my skin. When he finally pulled away, I almost fell into him. He grinned at me and stood to get out of the tub. I washed my hair and scrubbed my body, before ducking under the surface to rinse off.

I let the water out of the tub and after finding my hair towel and a big fluffy one for my body, using both, I followed him back into the bedroom. I grabbed a bottle of lotion from the dresser and sat on the bed, started to rub some into my arms and legs. When I finished I looked up to find him sitting in the chair watching me. I got up and went to him, sat on his lap. “You okay?” I asked him quietly.   
“You know, I really am. Current worries aside, I am feeling pretty fantastic.” He looked relieved almost to say it. I waited to see if he had more to say. He didn’t disappoint. “I really.. Really feel like this is it. The big thing worth fighting to the wall for.” He looked at me. “Not moving too fast am I?” he asked. I shook my head.   
“I’ve been fighting for this since that very first night I found you in the cell downstairs. Something clicked.”   
He sighed. “You are far more astute than I am. And far more forgiving.”

I laughed. “You did nothing unforgivable. You and I are products of others machinations. We’re just making the best of it. Now. Since I got all morose there for a moment.. I’m hungry. Let’s go eat.” I went to stand and he held me down. I quirked an eyebrow.   
“Thank you.” It was all he said. I sighed softly and gave him a gentle kiss.

“I didn’t do anything but love you. Now.. please. I’m starving Nate. And I smell food.”  
He laughed and let me go. I went into the closet and got dressed. Loose yoga pants, a sports bra and a loose green tank top. When I went back into the bedroom, he was dressed and waiting for me. I stuck my tongue out at him and left the bedroom barefoot. We made our way to the dining room and found a veritable feast there. Anders and Oghren were already at the table eating and laughing and talking. Velana and Sigrun weren’t there but I could hear them talking outside the room. I went to the head of the table and started taking food.   
Starving. Seriously.   
I ate, listening to the men and eventually women talk and plan and discuss. This was it. 6 Grey Warden’s. Against a new type of Darkspawn. And while one side of me was insanely and blissfully thrilled - because I had found Nate; there was another side of me that was quaking in terror. I had faced dragons, the Archdemon, assassination attempts, being locked in a prison, and dumped in the fade. This was by far scarier. And I was their _leader_. I sat back with a glass of wine and just watched them all. They had all become friends of a sort. Velana was stand-offiish but she had warmed up to Sigrun. Sigrun was still getting over the loss of her battalion, but she was funny and really smart. Oghren.. Well he was Oghren. Drunk most of the time, but hell in the field. Anders and Velana gave each other a wide berth, and everyone was still getting used to Justice. Who was almost always absent at meals.

“Oh! Nate! Did you get a chance to meet Justice?” I asked, surprised I hadn’t thought of it before.   
“Ah, yes. We ran into each other while you.. Were in the infirmary. He came to check on you.” Nate raised an eyebrow at me.   
“We found.. Him in the marsh. I forgot to mention it. Since I was drunk. Then unconscious,” I said. And I could feel the creep of the blush up my chest. He chuckled.   
“He was a little bit of a surprise. A talking zombie… Ish. Is he really a spirit stuck in that Warden’s body?”

I nodded. It was all a bit odd but, hey, at least it wasn’t an actual zombie. We dealt with enough of those for a lifetime or two. Or ten. I excused myself and went to find him. He was in the library, perusing the books. His appearance was a little ghoulish, but really still better than that of the darkspawn. I sat down in the chair next to his and heaved a sigh.   
“I gather you are feeling better, Commander?” he asked in that odd voice of his.   
“I am actually. Surprisingly. Anders is a miracle worker, truly. The Circle was stupid to not see his real potential.”

“He is a smart one, I will give him that. Powerful too, in his own right. Is there something you wished, Commander?”

“Actually, yes. I need your help. We’ve been repairing the grounds as best as we could, and seeing as you’ve access to Kristoff’s memories, and your own experiences, well, would you be able to thoroughly check the grounds and make sure that we are fairly secure? Please? I have a feeling things are going to heat up quick. Very quick. And I want to make sure everything here is ready for the onslaught.”  
He nodded. “I can do this. Thank you for trusting me. I hope to continue to be of use. I shall go start right away, Commander. Shall I report to you my findings?”

I nodded. “Yes, please. Also tell Voldrik. Thank you for your help,” I said before getting up. He followed suit and bowed slightly. “At your service, Commander.”   
It sounded so odd coming from him. Kristoff was a seasoned Warden before he was killed. And Justice had access to his memories and how he had felt about things. It was odd all around. But he was an excellent fighter, and he had zero fear on the battlefield which was definitely an asset when fighting Darkspawn. I had a feeling if I left him in charge of the keep I would return to find it in tip top shape. I made my way back through the keep to the Seneschal’s offices. I wanted to make sure we had enough men on hand in case something happened. After talking with him I went back to the dining room, to find Nate leaving it by himself. He caught me and pulled me aside.   
“No more tonight. Please? Let’s go to bed and just forget it all.” His request almost caught me off guard, but since I was of the same mind, I totally agreed.   
“Let’s go then,” I said, entwining my fingers with his. And so we went.

 

Upstairs in our room, he helped me undress and tucked me into bed. When he snuggled up against my back, his hand against my chest, I took a deep breath. “You smell amazing,” he muttered into my hair. I smiled into the dark. “Get some sleep,” he said quietly, knowing I was still recovering. The man. A frigging saint. I swear it. With those words of assurance, I slipped into sleep.

 

_I sat by a road between the keep and the city. Amaranthine. Mine? Sigh. I could feel.. Something. Like a presence at the side of my vision I couldn’t quite see or hear, but I could sense it._

_Angry._ _  
_ _Malevolent._

_Violent even._

_I closed my eyes, trying to get an idea of what it was._ _  
_ _Could it be the elusive Mother? The one that the Architect had told us about? Sentient and smart and cunning._ _  
_ _Deadly and in full control of her mental faculties. I shuddered at the thought._   
Something shifted in the air around me. I stood up and walked to the crest of the hill in front of me. Below me thousands of Darkspawn marched. In neat collected rows, their feet making the ground tremble beneath me. And there in the midst of the horde, was a huge creature, though.. Different. She looked similar to the Broodmother I had met in the deep roads long ago, but she was taller, less distorted? Almost beautiful in her stark ugliness. 

_I stared at her, trying to see more._

_Then the pain started. Piercing and deep inside my skull. Blinding and sharp. I fell to my knees, crying out, clutching my skull. A hiss of something slithered through my mind. Hateful and angry._ _  
_ _Awareness_

_Fear_

_I screamed when the pain spread throughout my body_

 

And woke up drenched in sweat, hitting whatever it was holding my arms.   
“Rhay! Wake up!” Nate yelled, shaking me.   
I gasped and clutched his arms.   
“What happened?!” he asked, his eyes wide. “I felt whatever that was, it was horrible. What happened?” he asked again. I shook my head and climbed out of bed, started pacing.

Shaking, I recounted what I had dreamed. “I can still feel her inside my head, Nate. Like this ugly lurking shadow,” I whispered. He climbed from the bed and stopped my pacing, pulling me into his arms. I pressed my face into his chest. Took a ragged breath. After a minute, I looked up at him. “Make me forget,’ I begged. He needed no further urging. Scooping me up, he carried me back to the bed and set me down gently. Then he went to the light dial and turned them on low, just enough to see by. I scooted back on the bed, and he joined me. He laid me back on the pillow and settled on top of me. I sighed when his hand threaded into my hair, holding my head to kiss me.

Then his lips were on mine, tongue delving deep. Hips pressed to mine, chest to chest, his mouth ravishing mine. When he finally pulled away, he bent and kissed up my jaw, then slowly kissed his way down my neck. Across my collarbone, and down my chest. A soft kiss between my breasts before his hands each took one, his left guiding one to his mouth. His teeth gently scraped over my skin, raising goosebumps on their path. He sucked my nipple into his mouth, an answering heat blossoming in my stomach. He turned his attentions to the other breast, sucking it deep into his mouth, making me moan at the pull it produced between my legs.

His hands slid down my sides, and he placed a kiss above my belly button. Then below. Then a gentle graze of his lips in the dip of my hip, his breath hot on my skin. His hands parted my legs, and he laid between them, his eyes on mine as he parted me with his fingers. Then his mouth was on me. His tongue, and just enough teeth to drive me crazy. Sucking. And licking. Fingers sliding inside me, his lips pulling gently on my clit. And he was relentless, but slow. Savoring as he methodically pushed me towards the brink. I was writhing on the bed, my fingers in his hair, my hips trying to press closer and closer to his mouth. The source of everything I could possibly need at that moment.

Then his mouth was gone, and his thumb started rubbing my clit while his fingers thrust inside me. He looked up at me, “I want to watch your face,” he said, his voice low and rough. I shook my head and he gave me this.. Smile. That said nothing better than ‘Challenge Accepted’!

Relentless. Ruthless almost, in a sexy dark way. Gasping, my hips thrust against his hand, and I managed to look down at him when he finally took me over. My eyes closed, and the moan escaping me was low and a little wild. Throbbing and pulsing on his hand, my body took over. My head fell back, my body trembling. I vaguely felt his hand leave me, and his lips against my stomach. Then his hands were on my hips and he was turning me onto my stomach. My ears were still ringing from the first orgasm, and my body was hyper aware of every minute touch from his. He pulled me up onto my knees, my back to his chest, his cock between my legs against my still throbbing arousal. His hand moved my hips, rubbing his cock against me. I twitched and almost fell forward, had his other arm not reached around me and held me to him. Then he moved his hips, and his cock was sliding inside me. Smooth and hot, he filled me so completely. I sighed and leaned my head back against his shoulder. His hands moved up my stomach to each grasp my breasts, then he started to move. Long and slow, his hips withdrew, then thrust his cock back inside.

I moaned. Couldn’t help it. His hands held me still as he began this rhythm that made me want to scream in frustration. His mouth to my ear, he whispered, “Your face when you came, was the sexiest thing I have ever seen.”   
I tried to laugh but his lips stopped me, “If that was the last thing I ever saw, I would die the happiest man in Thedas,” his voice was low and full of things far deeper than we had said. I turned to look at him, “That’s all it takes?” I managed to ask. His lips sealed mine, and his hand rubbed down my stomach, between my legs.

Then he moved faster. His hips, his fingers, his tongue against mine. He relinquished my mouth as he felt my muscles start to pulse around his cock.   
A litany of words poured out of me, “Maker, yes.. Yess. Nate pleease,” and so on. Over. And over.   
Until.. Finally.. Bliss. Light exploded behind my eyes, and I grabbed the hand between my legs, effectively trapping it there. I cried out, my hips bucking against his body, muscles clenching and demanding.   
“Fuck, you’re killing me,” he growled, just before his own orgasm took him. He ground his hips against my butt, burying himself deep inside me as he came. His arm was a vise around me, as his cock throbbed hot inside me. He pulled me with him as he leaned back on his heels. My head rolled against his shoulder as I tried to just breathe. His hand pressed to my chest over my heart.   
He chuckled, “Least I’m not the only one,” he teased. I tried to laugh but I still had no breath at all. He kissed my forehead and with little grace, laid us down onto the bed, still tangled up in each other.   
“Feel better?” he asked me quietly, his mouth in my hair. I nodded.   
“Much. I should give you such goals more often,” I teased. He laughed. We laid there in comfortable quiet for a few minutes. Eventually he climbed from the bed and got cloths from the dresser, and we cleaned up after ourselves. He turned out the lights again, and got back into bed next to me and I curled up against him, my arm over his chest, and my leg between his. He wrapped his arm around me, and cradled my head on his shoulder.

“You know, last year I would never have thought this even remotely possible,” he said into the dark. I nodded.   
“Neither had I. And yet, here we are.”   
“Do you regret it?”

“No. What happened, happened. It was out of our control. This though?” I looked up at him and ran my finger down his jaw. “This is completely in our hands. And I wouldn’t change it for anything.” He grabbed my hand and kissed it.   
“I’m glad.”   
“Me too. Hey, guess what?”

“... what?” he sounded wary, it was cute.   
“I love you,” I answered with a grin. He poked my shoulder.   
“You actually had me worried for a sec. I love you too. Now go back to sleep.”   
I nodded and sighed. It didn’t take long at all to fall asleep again.

 

However, the bliss wasn’t to last long.   
  
**The next morning, they were awoken by hurried knocking, a call, telling them that Amaranthine was under attack. Darkspawn. Oddly organized darkspawn. Rhaydyn, Nathaniel, Anders and Oghren headed into the city, with Rhay leaving Justice in charge with Seneschal Varel. They got to the city and after beating back a small force of Darkspawn stragglers, Rhay received a call from the keep. The Vigil was under attack as well. Rhay knew this huge moment of panic. This was what her dream had meant.** **_Her_ ** **people. The city and the keep, those in her care, were in massive danger and she could only be in one place at a time. She called the keep, and ordered them to hold it the best they could, with their meager forces. Justice swore the keep would be standing she returned.** **  
** **She just prayed he was right.** **  
** **They helped the city police defend Amaranthine, and after a long day and night of fighting and hiding and fighting some more, they managed to wrest control of the city back into the hands of the living. Rhaydyn used her newfound “Mayorhood” to appoint the Captain of the city guard to deputize any he saw fit, and gave them access to the main armory for the city, to defend it at all costs.** **  
** **Then they raced home. Rhay cursed the vehicles for not moving faster.** **  
** **  
** **Vigils keep was, indeed, still standing, though there was still significant damage to the entire holding. They fought their way into the main building, and found most of their people still alive and well. Varel was injured, but still holding in there. Anders, Maker bless the ridiculous man, healed him before telling him to man up and get back to work. Rhay and the others followed the retreat of the darkspawn into the tunnels below the keep. A long and gruelling trek through the deep roads, again, led them to the Architect again.** **  
** **Who offered them a boon of sorts.** **  
** **Allow him his experiments in peace, and he and his sentient Darkspawn would leave the surface alone.** **  
** **  
** **She took very little time to think it over. She agreed, as much as the others disagreed with her.** **  
** **Because in the end, she knew she might need him and his research. And an ex-Magister Darkspawn who was working magicks to reverse the mindless drone-type tendencies of a darkspawn could very well change the tide for Grey Wardens in the future.** **  
** **  
** **In return for her agreement to let him go back to the deep roads, he helped them in the final fight against the Mother. His greatest and worst accomplishment.**

**Abomination.**

**Creation.**

**She was a more than worthy adversary, and there were a few too many close calls. The mother was weak, Nate was injured, and Anders was fighting off 3 of her minions. Oghren was defending the Architect and Rhaydyn was furious. She tossed her last healing vial to Nate, who yelled at her as she ran and leapt onto the Mother’s back, swiping at her neck and face with her daggers. Three swift cuts. And a final stab into her eye, blood and gore pumping from her many wounds. The Mother screeched, flailing her weakened arms at Rhaydyn. Her claw caught Rhay’s leg but she held on tight as the Mother bled out beneath her. When her enormous body finally flopped to the ground in a twitchy, gross mess, Rhay climbed off her. She limped back to where Nate still laid, nearly unconscious himself. Anders ran over and put his hands on Nate’s chest, and a light emanated from them. Nate gasped as his body mended, revitalized and whole. He grabbed Rhay’s shoulders and yelled at her.**

**“HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID?!”**

**She just raised an eyebrow. “Stupid was it?” she asked quietly. She pushed his hands away and walked to the Architect who stood nearby watching them.** **  
** **“Are you satisfied?” he asked her. She nodded.** **  
** **“If you or your followers break your word, I will not hesitate to hunt your sorry ass down and finish what I started here today. Don’t make me regret this decision. Because you won’t live through said regret, that is a promise,” she said, her voice low and menacing.** **  
** **Whatever he saw in her eyes, it changed his entire demeanor. He executed a low bow, “You have my word, Warden Commander Cousland. Myself and my own, will never bother the surface world again.”** **  
** **She barked a laugh, “Leave the dwarves be as well, you know this.”** **  
** **The Architect smirked, “Yes, Commander. The dwarves as well. My word.” He held out his long fingered hand, and they shook on it. Anders made gagging noises, and Nate knocked him over. The Architect gathered his forces and disappeared into the warren of tunnels.**

 **Rhay stood there, staring at the growing puddle of blood the Mother was still oozing. Her leg hurt, as did her side. But.. they were alive.** **  
** **Nate walked over to her and took her hand. “I’m sorry for yelling at you,” he said quietly.** **  
** **“I know. Let’s go home,” she said, dropping her now ruined dagger into the puddle of black nasty blood.** **  
** **  
** **And so they went home.** **  
** **  
** **The keep was in dire need of repairs again. As was the city. But both were still standing. Their losses at the Vigil were minimal, and the same could be said for the city, especially given the alternative. Rhaydyn oversaw all of the funeral arrangements, paying for them out of her own accounts. She even left trusts for the children of a few who had perished in the city.**

 **Nathaniel’s sister and family had made it through the battle unscathed, much to his everlasting delight. Anders and Justice were off on a mission to make sure the surrounding countryside was, indeed, Darkspawn free. Velana and Sigrun ventured back into the deeproads in search of Velana’s sister. Oghren stayed on at the keep, saying married life wasn’t all it had cracked up to be.** **  
** **And Nate and Rhay, well they were in for some adventures of their own. As Warden Commander of Ferelden, she had a duty to grow their ranks. And now there was the matter of just.. Living for a while. Letting things settle in the aftermath of both the Blight and the Mother’s shenanigans.**

  
  


Nate and I were sitting on the roof of the main building of the keep, at sundown. Watching the sun disappear behind the trees, just enjoying the quiet. He had an arm around me, and a drink in his other hand. We had had a quiet dinner together in our room, spent the day being lazy. It was a novel thing, this whole not needing to save the world again thing. We slept in most mornings. Took care of business that needed caring for, but the evenings were for us.   
Sunsets, and leisurely baths, watching movies and vegging. Getting to know each other outside of the peril and doom and gloom.

He was fascinating. Endlessly so, an expert marksman with a bow, he was an amazing cook. He was constantly surprising me with food of his own creation. And, shocker of shockers, he had already owned a piece of my art from BtB (Before the Blight). One of my best pieces, a self portrait of sorts, me standing on a cliff above the ocean near Highever, the ocean wild and stormy in front of me, the waves like little white cresting dragons. He said it spoke to him in a little gallery in Antiva. I still can’t get over the irony.   
I had taken one of the attic rooms and turned it into a paint studio, after we had cleared the rest of Rendon Howe’s belongings out. I had sent a lot of what we found to Denerim, but what seemed personal I had given to Nate and his siblings. His brother still wasn’t much of a fan of mine, which wasn’t that surprising. His sister was a constant wonder. She would send us little odds and ends from Amaranthine (even though it was less than a half hour away by car), and she would do video chats with us at least once a week. It was an interesting new dynamic.

My brother was on the fence with what I was doing. He was proud of what I had accomplished, but not entirely happy that I was “in bed with the enemy”. I had goals though, to show him Nate was nothing like his barbaric father. He was kind. And gentle. And fiercely protective. And full of a never ceasing curiosity. And he loved. He loved fully and didn’t care what anyone thought about it. We were planning a trip to Highever to see my brother. He had reluctantly agreed, mostly because it had been so long since we had seen each other in person that it was long overdue.

“Are you alright over there?” Nate’s voice broke through my thoughts. I smiled up at him.   
“I’m actually perfect. Just thinking.”   
“You are thinking awfully loud, you know. Everything will be fine,” he teased. I stuck my tongue out at him. Seemed fitting.   
“It will, but I can still worry a little. He’s all I’ve got left of home. Everyone else I knew and grew up with in Highever died. It’s a hard mental leap to take. Going home and not seeing any of them. I’m glad you’ll be there.”   
He hugged me close for a moment. “Hopefully he doesn’t shoot me on sight. I rather like being alive.”   
I laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ll watch over you. I am after all, the Warden Commander of Ferelden. Invincible and all that bunk.” He barked a laugh, almost dropping his drink.   
“You’re a little small to protect me, aren’t you?” he snarked. I gave him a glower.   
“Small but mighty,” I said sweetly before pushing him over. He fell to the side and barely managed to hold onto his drink, laughing and trying to fend me off.   
But as I had caught him off guard, it was my turn to tickle him without remorse. He was yelling at me, and laughing and flailing around while trying not to spill his drink and I had zero chill.

“Too small, my ass,” I muttered when I finally relented, both of us breathing hard. I was straddling his lap and his free hand was holding my left, and my right rested on his chest.

“You are so lucky I love you woman,” he growled up at me. I just gave him an innocent grin. He set his drink on the roof and pulled me down onto his chest. “I am lucky, aren’t I?” I asked quietly, looking down at him. My hair fell onto his forehead and he tried to blow it away. I shook my head, moving it around. He just reached up and smoothed it away from my face with his hands, before bringing my face down to his to kiss me. A light teasing kiss, one I fell into with abandon. Heat flooding my stomach, and need churning in my heart.

When I pulled away, I climbed off of him and helped him to his feet, where he promptly picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder to cart me back into the house. I laughed all the way, because this is what love and life was supposed to be like.

And when he dropped me onto the bed, he promptly took me. Twice.   
And I couldn’t complain a bit.

And when I fell asleep hours later, draped across his body, there was absolutely nowhere I would rather be.


	3. First Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go to Highever to see Rhaydyn's brother, drama happens. Plans get made and old friends come to visit.

**A Week Later -**

 

We sat in the back of the Warden Hummer, on the last leg of our trip to Highever to see Fergus. It had been an interesting 36 hours to say the least. It had taken several hours just to talk me into getting into the vehicle in the first place, Nate doing some fancy word-smithing to convince me. And as we had driven, well ridden, a kind of eerie calm had fallen over me. But the closer we got to Highever, the more nervous Nate got, his leg shaking and hand tapping nearly driving me insane. I closed and locked the divider window and went to sit on his lap to distract him.   
“You are the one who told me everything would be fine,” I teased, brushing a stray lock of dark hair from his face. He tried to nip at my wrist, scowling at me.   
“I know what you’re trying to do,” he mumbled. I nodded.   
“I could try harder,” I offered, wiggling around on his lap.   
He looked appalled. “What if he GUESSES that we just had dirty Hummer sex and tries to behead me for besmirching your honor?” he whispered dramatically. I rolled my eyes. “Now you are being silly. I’m going to go read a book and you can continue pouting.” I climbed off of him and moved across the cabin, taking a seat opposite him. I got out the only book I had absconded with from the keep, some stupid romance thing that was mostly just to irritate Nate. He raised a haughty eyebrow at me, and I just shrugged my shoulder.   
I was wearing bright green strapless long summer dress, low flat strappy sandals, my hair in curls around my head. I had taken off my light sweater hours ago. I knew what I looked like. I pulled my ankles up onto the seat and crossed them under me, adjusting my dress to barely cover my knees, then went back to ‘reading’, I took my sunglasses off my head and started chewing on one of the ear pieces, and made as much noise as possible playing with the pages.   
Maybe I could annoy him out of this silly funk he was in. I kept catching him staring at me. And after a dismissive wave I would go back to the book. I literally read.. Maybe five whole sentences. I kept turning pages after a semi-appropriate amount of time just to keep up appearances. After a little bit I gave up and threw the book onto the seat next to me. I scratched my bare shoulder and yawned widely.

I thought back over the last week or so. We had made all of the necessary arrangements with the Seneschal and I had left Anders in charge until I got back. Which rankled some, I’m sure. As I had given him immunity from any more mischief the Templar’s would try to pull. He was perfectly happy with his cat and taking my throne, so to speak. It would only be for a month or so, until we got back. I moved to stare out the window. I heard him sigh. “Rhay,” he said, his voice low.   
“Hmm?” I said, still staring out the window.   
“Come here,” he said. I turned and raised an eyebrow at him.   
“What for? You were totally uninterested in anything I had to offer just a little bit ago,” I snarked.   
“Oh shut it, come here,” he said, rolling his eyes. I gave him a grin and went to sit next to him.   
“Yes, my dear?” I asked, blinking up at him innocently. He laughed, a surprised laugh that made him look years younger.   
“Thank you,” he said, rubbing his thumb down my cheek.   
“For?”

“Reminding me that I’m a little too in my head sometimes, even if that wasn’t your actual intention. And… for the record, I am always interested in everything you have to offer, Rhay, never doubt that. I think about it all the fucking time,” he muttered the last, like it was a dirty sexy secret. I walked my fingers up his chest, to his neck and up to poke him in the nose. “You are a little serious sometimes,” I said helpfully. He just smirked. I laid my head on his shoulder. “It’s a good thing I love you just as you are,” I said wistfully.   
“Well at least someone does,” he mumbled. I laughed. “You are loved, you goof, your sister and brother are living proof of that.”   
He sighed again. I looked up at him and just waited him out. He was taking my very obvious bait, just taking his time doing it. He squished up his nose.   
“Dirty hummer sex sounds fabulous Nate, work off some of that tension. Loosen you up,” I suggested with an eyebrow wiggle.   
“Oh, how magnanimous of you to offer such a strenuous thing,” he said with a chuckle. I shrugged, “When it’s for the greater good…” I said with a fake yawn. He laughed and pulled me into his lap. I straddled his legs, putting my hands on his face.   
“Better now?” I asked. He ‘frowned’ and I leaned forward, kissing him. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me up against his chest. I pulled his chin down, my tongue diving into his mouth, heart beginning to pound. It was always this way, I was so instantly his, reacting to the smallest touches, attraction and need a real draw. His hands slid down my back as I kissed him senseless, gripping my butt before pulling my dress up to run his hands up my thighs. I pulled my mouth from his, then gripped his shirt to draw it out of his pants. His stomach twitched under my fingers. I smiled at him as I ran my fingertips over his growing arousal, through his pants.

He hooked his fingers into the top of my dress, eyes on mine as he bared my breasts. His palms covered them, a low rumbling in his chest the only indicator of his enjoyment. I pressed myself into his hands, eager for the distraction. When I pulled his mouth to mine, instant heat. He needed this as much as me. Tension, need, unquenchable hunger.

Nate fell into what I offered so willingly. Reprieve. The kiss became near frantic, the sway of the Hummer reminding us we were on borrowed time. My hands wound between us, unbuckling his pants and the sound of the zipper barely outdid the sounds of our mouths.   
Wrapping my fingers around him, I pulled my mouth from his and just watched his face as I stroked him. His eyes fluttered closed, his lip disappearing between his teeth. Breathing ragged, hand clenching in my dress, hips trying to thrust it further into my hand. I slid off of his lap, and before he could protest, he was in my mouth and all pretense fled. His eyes widened, watching me as I watched him. He tasted of salty man, sexy and hot. My tongue twirled around him, drawing him deeper into my mouth, sucking and bobbing my head. His hand gripped my hair, hips twisting under me. I stroked him, nearly the entire length of him, with my mouth. After a few more moments, he pulled me from him and moved me over, kneeling next to me on the floor. He turned me towards the other seats, and pulled my back up against his chest. He hastily pulled my dress up, pushing my flimsy lace underwear down. Sweeping a hand around my body, he quickly found me, wet and throbbing. Shifting his hips, he rubbing his cock along my arousal, eliciting little sounds of approval from me. When he shifted them again, sliding inside me, I moaned.

His hands moved to my breasts, gripping me as he started to move behind me. Long sure strokes, scorching me from the inside out. Persistent and hot, he thrust and pushed us both.

Trembling and panting, my head fell back against his shoulder. He set his mouth to my neck, hands kneading at my breasts, his pelvis smacking hard against my butt. “Touch yourself,” he whispered against my skin. I nodded. One hand on his head, the other between my legs.   
And, Maker, this was it. Blissful pressure, throbbing and building between his hands, his cock, and my own hand urging things along. Bodies moving in tandem, meeting the other thrust for thrust, ears ringing and hearts racing. And when I finally crested, the orgasm rode me hard. He covered my mouth, smothering the cry escaping my mouth, as he ground his hips against my butt, grunting out his own release. I sagged against him, body shaking and sated, twitching and pulsing. He let go of my mouth, turning my head to kiss me. Which I took willingly, letting myself drown in him just a bit more. When he finally pulled away, he gave me a very satisfied smile. I smiled back and rubbed my hand over his face.   
“Feel better?” I asked, knowing he did. He nodded, kissed me one last time, before pulling his body from mine. The pang of disappointment I felt was nothing compared to how I felt when I looked back at him, his face still flushed, hair rumpled, hands fumbling to put himself to rights. I pulled my underwear back into place, and pulled my dress back up. Ran my fingers through my entirely unruly hair. And his face lit up when he found me watching his. He pulled me back up onto the seat next to him, and we snuggle. I fell asleep for a bit, wrapped in his arms, and when the Hummer stopped, he gently woke me up. I stretched and sat up, then tried to make sure I didn’t look like I had indulged in sexy Hummer shenanigans. He reached out and tugged the dress down again, nearly baring my breasts.

I slapped his hand away and he just did it again, winning the game. I climbed back onto his lap and before I could do anything more he pulled me up and his mouth fastened on one, hungry and greedy. I laughed and pulled away before someone opened the door, hastily pulling the dress back up. He pretended to pout, but helped me fix the back, and within seconds the door was swinging open and the driver stood there shaking his head at me. I just shrugged and let Nate climb out first. He helped me down and I stood there staring up at the keep. I hadn’t come back since the night I had fled. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to. My heart slowed in my chest and shivers raced through me. Nate wrapped an arm around me.   
“You ok?” he asked me quietly. I nodded, pulling him closer, my shoulder under his. The front door opened, and there stood my brother. Scowling at me. I scowled back. Stuck my tongue out at him for good measure. A grudging smile cracked his stern face, then he was chuckling and I was running at him and when he closed his massive arms around me I started to cry. I was apologizing, and he was apologizing and it was silly and sad and so amazing to see him. He pulled away and looked down at me. “You cut your hair off,” he said, astonished. I nodded, curls swinging around my face.   
“I like it. It suits you. Warden Commander,” he teased. I coughed.   
I motioned for poor Nate to come forward, the man who had been standing there awkwardly waiting for the emotional silliness to end. He stepped forward, and I introduced him.   
“Fergus, this is Nathaniel. Nate, this is my brother, Fergus. Now.. before stupid things are said. He is mine. Fergus you will remember that. I have been through hell the last 2 years and this, this I choose. And Nate, you be good. Does everyone understand?” I asked, giving them both arched eyebrows and stern looks. Nate nodded first, holding out his hand to shake Fergus’. I sighed. Fergus reluctantly nodded and shook the outstretched hand.

“Your Commander is showing again, love,” Nate muttered to me as Fergus ushered us into the keep. I just snorted, and Fergus coughed.   
It was amazing to be home!

 

Over the next few days, things were still a little tense, and after a 3rd argument between the men I sat them down in the garden. I made them sit opposite of each other in the gazebo my father had built. “You will both listen to me, do you understand?” I said, barely controlling how angry they had managed to make me in a matter of mere minutes. I stood between them, seething. I turned to Fergus first.   
“You two used to be friends of a sort. Did you conveniently forget that?” I asked him. He just looked away from me, just like he used to. Then I rounded on Nate, “I asked you to try and not be antagonizing, this is an adjustment for everyone!” He raised an eyebrow at me.   
“I hadn’t meant to antagonize. I just mentioned the painting. And your brother went off the deep end.”

I huffed. Frigging men.   
“You know what? This is stupid. I shouldn’t have come. I knew this was going to be rough but I am already tired of this shit and I have three more weeks of it. Fergus, I am sorry. Sorry I couldn’t do more, when they broke in and took the world from us. I’m sorry I was forced to run to live, and sorry I haven’t come back until now. You have.. No idea how horrible it was that night. And I still dream about it sometimes. And do you really think I don’t blame myself? I was 2 doors away from them and I heard nothing.” I whispered the last. I rarely let myself think of the particulars of _that_ night. Because it was horrific.   
“Nate wasn’t here. He was out of the country, at his father’s behest. Well his father’s insistence to the man who was Nate’s boss at the time. I found paper proof of this in Vigil’s Keep. Nate never knew what his father was up to. Nothing about what happened in Denerim, or here, or any of it. He learned the hard way.” I knelt on the ground in front of my brother.   
“If you want to blame him, you get to blame me too. Because I believed Howe that afternoon, the same as you. I believed he was there to offer aid in the war and that we were surrounded by friends and loyal compatriots. He offered me a date with Nate’s younger brother. It was.. Insanely cunning and horrific. He gloated to me, in Denerim. When I stood there, my knife aimed at his throat. He gloated and said that he had killed mother and father himself, that he would do it all again to serve Ferelden.” I stopped and swallowed the pain in my throat. I felt Nate shift on the chair behind me, his hand on my back. I took Fergus’ hands.   
“Nothing can change what happened. Nothing. No one can bring them back. And no one wishes they could more than me. But you cannot blame Nate for something he had no part or say in. Not if you won’t blame me and I was in the same house when it happened.” He gripped my fingers.   
“How can it still hurt so bad, Rhay?” he whispered to me, a tear escaping his eye. I shrugged.

“Healing doesn’t happen immediately. And everyone is different. Nate has helped me in more ways than I can count. He loves me, Fergus. Well and truly. I feel it every time I look at him. Even when he makes me mad or steals the blankets, I feel it. They loved you too, Oriana and Oren. They loved you to pieces. And it’s ok to still love them. But let go. A little. Or you will never live again and I can’t stand to see this. Now. I need to go for a walk. Please do us all a favor and stop arguing. Stay here. Talk. Please.” And with that I got up, and wiping my face I fled the garden, ignoring both of their protests. I made my way through the keep, down winding hallways and through back rooms. I wound up in the old pantry. By the hidden door I had used to escape. Somehow, they had managed to clean up the blood I had seen my father spilling there. I fell to the floor. I hadn’t let myself leave the main floor of the keep. Hadn’t let myself come down here. Or admit that they wouldn’t be here when I got here. Some tiny insane part of my heart had wanted so desperately to find them here, if not safe then at least I would be able to say goodbye.

But, there was no sign they had even died here. And that was somehow worse. Much worse.   
It felt like I was breaking all over again. My chest felt heavy, and I cried. Silently at first, my face pressed to the floor. But before long, huge body shaking sobs were taking over. I clawed at the floor, apologizing and begging to know why and I have no idea how they found me. One second I’m on the floor, the next I’m in Nate’s arms, crushed against his chest. Then Fergus was there and somehow.. The three of us sat there, mourning and listening to me hiccup the last of my crying away.

“I’m sorry, Rhay,” Fergus said before I could speak. “I never.. Never once blamed you. I want you to know that. They used silencers, you wouldn’t have heard. And really, I didn’t even blame Nate. I’m just irrationally angry at everyone. And I’m working on it. I’m sorry,” he said again, rubbing a hand over his face. I nodded and sighed.   
“Can we stop the fighting though? Please?” I asked quietly. He nodded. And had the grace to look sheepish when he looked at Nate.   
“I’m sorry I’ve been an ass,” he said. Nate chuckled and pretended to punch him in the shoulder. “It’s all good. Nothing like a little weird family history to bring us all together,” he answered. I groaned and he laughed. We all got up and with a last look at the floor, I left the room behind. All in all, I could say that I was feeling much better. Apparently, soul wracking sobbing on floors was cleansing. We ate a lively dinner together and when I was finally able to disengage, I went back to the suite Fergus had given us to use, leaving the men to their brandy and whatever else they were going to get up to. Hoping that it wasn’t going to be more arguing.

On the way back to the suite, I passed the room Oren and Oriana had been in when I found them. I stopped at the door, couldn’t have passed it again if I wanted to. I pressed my forehead to the door, and surprised myself by opening it. What I found was.. Amazing. Fergus had turned the room into a small reading nook. Oren had loved books. He had a huge collection and would read to anyone who would listen, the dogs included. It was beautiful. I ran my fingers over the plush chair, looking at the framed pictures Oren had drawn for all of us. His big family portrait front and center. I felt another tear drip down my cheek. I sighed and left the room. Undressed in our room, and went into the bathroom, filling the huge tub in there.   
I stood in front of the mirror, looking at myself. Short choppy, curly bright red hair. A dozen holes in my ears, a new myriad of scars scattered across my body. Muscles that were far better defined now than they had been a few years ago. New shadows in my eyes, that weren’t there this morning. I took another breath. Climbed into the bathtub and hissed as the hot water covered me. I was impressed, I hadn’t been to the guest suites in a long time, hadn’t realized they put a super tub in here. “Overflow tub”, I think is what it’s called. The water never turned off, and overflowed into a bigger tub below the main one, and when it was poured back into the tub it was as hot as it had been at the beginning.   
I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the wall, relaxing and falling into a semi-light sleep. A while passed, and when I heard a throat clearing, I jumped. “You scared me,” I said with a light laugh. Nate shrugged and knelt by the tub, “You alright?” he asked me. I nodded. He kissed my hand and turned to leave, but I kept his hand.   
“This tub, it really is magnificent, Nate. You should join me.”   
“Are you sure? After everything today…?” his voice trailed off. I nodded.   
“Please? Just love me tonight,” I asked quietly. He gave me a smile, kissed my hand again and left the room one more time. A few minutes later, he came back, naked, hair in disarray around his face. I shifted forward in the tub to allow him to fit behind me. When he was settled in the water, he pulled me back against his chest, his hands tangling with mine. I wrapped his arms around me and sighed. He kissed my head.   
“So today was interesting,” he said finally. I gave a low laugh.   
“If that’s what you want to call finding me on the floor sobbing like a baby, then yes, it was interesting.”   
He took a breath. “I think, that moment, finding you there crying like that, really brought it all home for me, Rhay. I had come to a sort of half-peace with what had happened, but seeing you like that was.. Heartbreaking. And I’m sorry my father did that to you. But I am also.. Grateful that I found you when I did. Not today, but all those months ago back in the Vigil. You saved me, even though this horrendous thing had happened to you. And I am forever grateful you are mine,” he said quietly. I nodded.   
“Oh, you’re so lucky I love you. I was mad enough at both of you to leave you here with him and go home and ignore you both for the foreseeable future.”   
“I’m glad you didn’t. He doesn’t seem my type at all. Too broody, methinks,” he said seriously. I laughed. Couldn’t help it.   
“Well, I’m glad too. But for entirely different reasons. It was a good thing to come home. Even if it won’t ever really be ‘home’ again. Not really. I like the life we’ve built at the Vigil. Even if it was crazy until recently,” I said pensively. He just held me and let me talk. “I think it’ll be good for Fergus to be here though. He can start a new life eventually, moving on with someone new, or pass it all on to my children if I am ever so blessed, and life will go on.”     
He stilled behind me. “Children?” he squeaked. I chuckled.   
“Someday. I’m not ready for them now. And I’m enjoying you a little too much to share, anyhow. And if you tire of me or whatever, maybe never,” I said with a sad sigh. He tightened his arms around me.   
“Yeah, that’ll never happen. Tire of _you_ ? Never,” he said, making a pffft sound after. I turned my head and looked up at him. “What? You like having me around? Will wonders ever cease?” I snarked. He barked out a laugh, then his hand was on my neck, holding me still. Ah and he kissed me. A brilliant kiss, full of more than just lust. It seened a little brighter, given what had transpired today. He turned me in his arms, settling me against his chest, water sloshing around us. I straddled his lap and we just.. Kissed. Long languid melding of lips and tongues, hot and persistent. Touching each other, hands fanning the flames of barely checked desire. The kissing turned into more, and soon I was riding him, his cock buried deep, hands gripping my hips as the hot water lapped at our already feverish skin.   
I gripped his shoulders, his mouth on my neck. Hips grinding, voices hushed, skin against feverish skin, hands clutching and bodies trembling.

His forehead against mine, his face a study of need and love, he whispered my name over and over as we got closer to the inevitable plummet. I twisted my hips, pulling him deeper still, wanting to prolong things warring with the need to ride the pleasure. When his hand snaked between us, flicking gently against my clit, his eyes bore into mine as I finally crested. He held my head with his other hand, watching me as I tried not to fall back into the water. A low moan escaped me, body clutching at his cock, hot and writhing around him. His own face tensed as his orgasm hit him. Grinding close, his body twitching and throbbing. I collapsed against his chest, his heart racing against mine. I tried to laugh but really, I just stayed close to him. He rubbed his hand down my back, taking a shaky breath.   
“Never fails to amaze me,” he said, his voice low. I nodded against his shoulder.   
“I know, right?” I said with a breathless chuckle. I looked up at him and he kissed me again.

I sighed and pulled away, pulling the plug in the tub and abandoning him to the receding water. I wrapped a towel around me, and offered him one. He climbed from the tub and took the towel, then proceeded to dry me off, then himself. We made our way to the bed and he proceeded to make love to me again, and an hour or so later, I laid on my stomach, my shoulder against his arm, my lips against his shoulder.   
“Are you sure you’re real?” he whispered to me. I nodded, just watching him in the near dark of the room. Something had changed today, things were startlingly clear. I had zero intention of letting them go back to the way they were.   
“Nate?” I asked, my mouth still against his skin.   
“Hmm?” he mumbled, his eyes closing.   
“Nate look at me,” I insisted. His eye opened, his golden eye staring at me.   
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he muttered.   
“Because I want to ask you something,” I said, smiling against his shoulder. My heart started to race, and I wondered if I were crazy.   
“What if I were to ask you what your plans for your future were?” I asked.

Both of his eyes opened, “Why?”

“Please? Indulge me?” I pleaded. He rolled up onto his side and scooted closer to me, “You know I have no immediate plans, Rhay. What are you looking for here?” he asked, his hand smoothing a curl from my face. I took a breath.   
“Today brought several things I hadn’t even realized I was worrying about to mind. The first I already dealt with, you know, the crying like a crazed person on a floor thing,” I babbled. He sighed and waited.   
“Nate. You are.. Surprising. All the time. I mean you have been tossed about so much since all of this began, and here you are. Still. I’m the one who is a mess,” I said, chewing on my lip.   
“You’re confusing sometimes. Quit dancing around whatever it is you want to say. Or come cuddle so I can go to sleep. It’s lonely over here,” he teased me. I smiled at him, a bright sunny smile because that’s what he does to me.   
“Nate. I want to get married,” I said, waiting for .. whatever it was that would come.   
“You.. what?” he asked, eyes suddenly far more serious than moment before.   
“I want to marry you. I want you to marry me? Nate will.. Will you marry me?” I asked, muffling my face in the bed as I realized I just sounded like the stupidest person on the planet.

“Hey, you don’t get to ask that then hide from me,” he said, his hand in my hair. I peeked at him through one eye. “Ignore me,” I mumbled.   
“Ah, no. I can’t ignore that big bombshell you just gifted me with,” he said. I covered my face.   
“I shouldn’t have asked,” I tried to say, feeling a bit of panic setting in. Some Warden Commander I was!   
I felt him shift on the bed and his hand on my back. “Sit up and look at me please,” he said quietly. I complied with a sigh, dragging the sheet with me, anything to regain a little dignity after that bumbling emotional blab. I crossed my legs and wrapped the sheet around my shoulders.

“Are you serious?” he asked me, his hand running through his wild hair. I just stared at him.   
“How often do I say things I don’t mean?” I asked softly.   
“But..” he started to say but I shook my head. I scooted up onto my knees, dropping the sheet and grasping his face.   
“You brought me back to life.” I looked into his eyes, “You changed everything. I was literally just… rolling with the Wardens and pretty sure I would just stay locked in my head until I wandered into the deep roads to die. I had zero reason to care, about much of anything other than doing what I was told.” I took a breath, scooted closer.   
“Then I found you, and within moments I was SO damn mad I could scream and that was the most I had really felt in months. Then I was feeling all sorts of conflicting things and I knew that rules said that you were there to kill me so I should have killed you first but some stupid little part of me was telling me to keep you. And the first time I touched you, completely by accident and my heart nearly exploded in my chest, Nate.”   
His eyes narrowed as he watched me. I could feel my face growing hot but I couldn’t stop now.   
“I had all these conflicting feelings, and you were all stoic and driving me crazy and all I wanted you to do was press me against a wall and kiss me. But you were angry, and I was angry, and I knew I was insane. And despite everyone telling me that I should have executed you, or sent you to Weisshaupt, I kept you. I kept you because some perverse little part of me wanted you with ever fiber of my being. Because you suited me. Your humor, your smile. Your sense of honor and duty, and your loyalty and need to succeed. How you looked at me when you thought I couldn’t see.” The more I talked, the less certain I was. I smoothed his hair away from his face. This face that I had memorized over hours upon hours of watching him sleep.   
“You changed everything and I never want to go back. I can’t even imagine a world without you waking up next to me.” I pressed a hand to my stomach. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, suddenly ready to crawl into a hole.   
“Why? Don’t be sorry,” he said, a slow smile lighting his face. I chewed my lip, not sure what to say next.

“Are you sure you want this? I’m not one to committ then run away when things get silly, or tough.”  
I nodded, “I know you aren’t,” I whispered.   
“I’ve thought about this too you know, the forever that happens when we get home. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, than I am of how much I love you,” he said, his voice quiet and steady. I felt my stomach tense, and waited.   
“You make me want everything I never thought I would want. I hated the thought of falling in love, or family, or even close friends. Everyone always wanted something, and it always came back to my dad. Then you came along and wanted.. Me. Not my dad. Not DESPITE my dad. But.. just me. And it humbled me. And made me feel ten feet tall sometimes. And other times it made me feel like I was made of glass, how easily you could see through me. But in the end, it all came back to you. You say I saved you, but in reality, you saved me. I was ready to die when the Wardens found me. One hundred percent at peace with my death. You were a shock. This little red headed spitfire who was profoundly confusing, beautiful enough to make me doubt my own vision and you literally held my life in your hands. And when you yelled at me, I was enraged, but when I looked back on it, I realized that was the first time that I had felt anything other than sheer loathing for you. That nameless, faceless Warden that had changed my entire world.” He gave me a wry smile, his hand moving to hold mine against his cheek. “Little did I know, how much,” he said with a low laugh.   
“Do I want to marry you?” he mused out loud. I tried to pull my hand away, but he kept it.   
“Do I want to spend the rest of my life waking up with you, and falling asleep with you in my arms, and all the little in between silliness?”   
I stopped breathing. “I asked your brother tonight if he could support us marrying,” he whispered, “and he told me if I was asking permission then I don’t deserve you. I laughed at him, because I wasn’t, because you are your own woman and don’t need your brother to say yes. He clapped me on the shoulder and wished me luck.” I covered my mouth, feeling a huge bit of feelings clogging up my chest.   
He got up on his knees and faced me, kissing my palm that he still wouldn’t relinquish. “Yes. I want to marry you. Yes, I want to spend forever waking up next to you. And falling asleep with you. And making you as crazy as you make me.” He pulled me into his arms, pulling my hand from my mouth, and replacing it with his lips.   
“Will you marry _me_ ?” he asked, staring into my eyes. I nodded, “I want forever,” I whispered, and with an excited yell, he scooped me up and spun me around on the bed. I laughed, hugging him as tight as he was me. “So, we’re going to do this?” he asked me. I laughed. “Abso-fucking-lutely!”   
“Damn right!” he said, stealing my breath with the kiss he laid on me. My heart felt near to bursting, and from the feel of him, he was just as happy. He dropped me back onto the bed, and with a glint in his eyes, he went about making me his all over again. Twice.

 

Over the next few weeks of my visit with my brother, we made a lot of plans. And the decision to marry in the garden at my parents house was Nate’s idea. So when we went home, it was with the promise of returning in a few months time to finalize and complete the thing. It wasn’t going to be a big thing, though there would have to be some pomp surrounding it, as I was now more important than I had been before. When we got back to Amaranthine, Nate insisted on stopping to get rings. And telling his sister in person. She was so excited to hear the news, happy that Nate wasn’t going to be alone and angry forever. I just laughed and told her I had tamed him and the new domesticated Nate was far from angry or alone. She said she loved me even more. He just stood there scowling at us. Life was good.

When we finally got back to the Vigil, sporting new fitted rings and goofy grins, I yelled for Anders when we barely got through the door. He came down the stairs whining at me for interrupting his bonding time with Ser Pounce, and how I had abandoned him for a month. I let him finish his whine session, before telling him. He was nearly as excited as I was, and even hugged Nate which made him grudgingly smile.

Nate went to fetch the Seneschal and I settled down in the living room with Anders, telling him everything. When the Seneschal came in, Anders kissed my head and left me to talk to him.   
Between arguments that the Wardens at Weisshaupt would need to give permission. I laughed at him.   
“I have given them everything, literally. This, this is mine. They made me Warden Commander, I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t even WANT it,” I said, getting up and pacing. He sighed, rubbing his face.   
“And I am not a politician, I have zero shits to give about what they want. I stopped total destruction, not once Varel, but twice. I am tired. And I want to have something that is mine. I will continue my duties, and Nate will serve with me if he so chooses. But no one has a say in this but him and I.” I turned and stared down at the older man.   
“Very well then. We just won’t tell them until it is done. Then they can’t do much.” He shocked me with that. This was one of those massive rule followers, and to hear him flout them so clearly, “Are you pulling one over on me, Varel?” I asked him, suspicious.   
He laughed and stood up. “You saved my life twice, Commander. You have more than earned a little bit of something for you. Let me know if you need any help with things, and please let me attend because you are more than just a Commander to me, dear,” he said, grinning. I hugged him, surprising us both.   
Things moved semi-quickly after that, in an effort to make sure Weisshaupt couldn’t intervene. I was able to bring everyone back for the wedding. Leliana and Alistair came back, Wynne and even Sten. Zevran sent his well wishes from Rivain. The rest met us at Highever 3 months after I made my bumbling attempt at a marriage proposal.

Leliana, Wynne, Velanna and I went dress shopping, and my choice of a cream colored lacy sheer dress made Leli cry and Wynne coo over my ‘excellent taste in men and dresses”. Velanna was vastly overwhelmed by all of it, but she was game to try on a few dresses as well. I got them all various shades of green dresses, and after making stops for shoes and flowers, we went back to my brothers estate. Over the next few days, preparations were wild in the keep. The morning of the actual wedding, I felt bright and happy. Which was a step up from desperately nervous the night before. I had forgone a bachelorette party, in lieu of just being with everyone again. It has been over a year since I had seen most of them and I had missed them all.

Leliana and Wynne helped me dress, and while I stood there kind of in awe of their creation, Sten came to the door.

“I have a gift for you, Kadan,” he said, hesitant as usual. He and I had written some over the last year but it wasn't quite the same. He pulled out a small box. “You helped me overcome much while I was traveling with you,” he said, his voice low and calm. “And you gave me back my purpose. Now it seems you have finally found yours. You, though still a woman, are a formidable commander in your own right, and have found yourself a worthy mate. In the Qun, we don't have these weddings, but it suits you. You are happy and that pleases me.”

I grinned up at him, waiting for him to finish. He opened the box and inside sat a beautiful bracelet. The chain was a dark gray, and had a small sword hanging from it. “I had this made for you. And a matching one for your mate. It seemed appropriate. For one so tiny, you are so very strong. You gave me back my purpose, and I don't think I can honestly repay that.”

I held out my hand, and gestured for him to put it on my wrist. He fumbled with the chain, and gave Leliana a small growl when she tried to help him. He held my hand once he got it fastened. “You are an honored friend, and I wish you the best life possible, Rhaydyn.”

“Thank you, Sten. I will cherish this gift. You know, I think that's the most you've ever said to me in one run. I'm impressed!”

He gave me a wry smile, “If I don't say it before that one,” he pointed to Leliana who just giggled, “I'll never be able to talk again. She never stops speaking,” he whispered loudly. I laughed and hugged him, surprised when he gently returned the hug.

“Thank you again,” I said. He nodded and left quietly.

“Well, he's not wrong. You do talk an awful lot, young woman,” Wynne admonished Leli with a smile. Then we all laughed. We were interrupted by another knock and I surprisingly found Alistair there.

“Ladies, can I have a moment with our esteemed Commander?” he asked with a flourish. Leliana gave his cheek a kiss before leaving with Wynne.

“Well.” He said, suddenly nervous. “I never saw this happening when I nominated you for Commander. It is all rather odd isn't it?” he asked wandering around the room. I sat on the only chair, waited for him to say his piece.

“I'm glad you found someone, Rhay. After Zev left I was worried about you. Things got dicey with the Archdemon and you were so mad at me when you left. So you still hate me?” he asked. I walked over to him.

“I stopped being mad before I got here. Mostly. I was miffed a bit, but I was mostly over it. I understood it. Even if I didn't want it. And I had been raised to lead. Unlike you. So I got over it. Are you and Leli happy?” I asked. He nodded.

“We just bought a house in Val Royeaux, on the outskirts so I can avoid the weird rich humans as much as possible. But she loves it and I love her so it works. And she let me get a dog. Or three.” He coughed. I laughed. He put his hands on my shoulders.

“He seems a decent sort. Are you sure?” he asked me, much as I had asked him before the secret wedding for him and Leliana before I had been whisked off by the Wardens.

“I love him. And what's more, he loves me too. I feel alive and like I .can conquer the world. This is my forever, Alistair.”

He nodded and hugged me. “Good. Because this emotional stuff is stressful.” And with those words, Alistair was back and all was good. My brother walked in and I sighed dramatically. Alistair made his exit.

“Well look at you,” Fergus said. He looked so handsome in his dark gray suit. The dark green bow tie was expertly tied and his shoes a brilliant white. I straightened his tie and he kissed my forehead.

“They would be so proud of you, you know,” he said quietly. I nodded. “Dad always told me you would never do what we expected. You would buck tradition, and ride the wind your own way. And you did. Spectacularly, I might add. You were always his favorite,” he added with a grin.

“I didn't try to be,” I mumbled. He laughed. “Oh it was fine with me. Have me more time with the girls. I'd never have met Oriana if not for you taking up his time. And you're more like him than you know. In a good way.”

I arched an eyebrow. “Bitch, please. I'm better than both of you silly Cousland men. Look at this hair!” I said with a head twirl. He laughed again. Grabbed a curl and tugged it. “Be happy. Can you do that for me? Be happy and show me how to do it again.” I tried to swallow the lump his words brought to my throat.

“I love you, goofball,” I said with a little too much emotion. He hugged me and I tried really hard not to cry. I didn't need to get yelled at for ruining my make up. He let me go and reached into his pocket. Pulled out 2 boxes. “These were mom's. I've kept them in the vault until now. She wanted them to go to you ‘When she finds her way’, I think it said. I think you have more than found your way,”

He opened the smaller box, and nestled inside were these gorgeous nearly teal emerald and pearl earrings. He handed me the box. Then he opened the bigger one, and inside was a matching necklace, with a silver heart pendant on it. He turned over the heart and showed me, on one side was my parent’s initials. On the other, he had etched mine and Nate’s. I took a shaky breath.   
“Thank you. This is better than anything I could have imagined,” I said quietly. He helped me put the necklace on and I slipped the earrings in. He grasped my face. “Be happy. That’s all I ask.” I nodded and hugged him one more time. He kissed my forehead and left me alone with my thoughts.   
I walked over and stood in front of the full length mirror. I looked most like my father most days, but today I could see some of my mother there, beyond the jewelry. My curly almost shoulder length hair was pinned back with tiny little flower clips, a few curls escaping here and there. Leliana had given me some sort of tealish green and white shimmery stuff on my eyes, made them look all sorts of.. Not mine, and managed to make my skin all dewy and soft. The dress, ah I had lucked out. A fine Orlesian lace, off white with a darker ecru satin under it, snuggly fit my body. The top of the dress draped not quite low, and the straps at my shoulders crossed all the way down my back to the bottom of the back of the dress near my hips. There was just enough fabric at the front to brush the ground, and a small train in the back. I had on white heeled sandals that tied up my calves, and a bouquet of orchids to carry. My eyes were a little wild after all of the emotional roller coasters everyone had taken me on. But I was ready.   
Ready for forever.

I checked the clock on the wall.   
It was nearly time. I took a last sip of the champaign Leliana had brought with her, scooped up my flowers and opened the door to find them all waiting for me. Leliana wrapped in Alistair’s arm, Wynne and Oghren looking like happy grandparents, Velanna and Sigrun, Anders and his man Karl. Varel was there, standing with Sten, looking solemn but his eyes sparkling at me. Leliana handed me a letter, gave me a shaky smile.   
  
**_Rhaydyn,_ **

**_I hope this finds you well, because from what I’ve heard from Leliana, you are finally doing something for yourself. I’m… sorry I couldn’t come, but travel with an infant is difficult at best. And, I don’t want to intrude on Leliana and Alistair. It’s all awkward enough with her insisting on writing me. The wench is incorrigible. But you know that. You love her more than I do._ ** ****_  
_ **_But I digress._ ** ****_  
_ **_I’m happy for you, Rhaydyn. Happy you found your one in the midst of all the chaos. Hold him tight and cherish your time. Things won’t always be this way and you will need him more later than I could ever really explain to you._ _  
_ _I want you to know, I regret nothing. You gave me something I had never had before, friends. And I will forever be grateful for that. Know that if you ever need me, I will be there. Damn the consequences._**

 _Congratulations, and be safe .. what is it now? Warden Commander?_ _  
_ _Be safe, my dear friend,_ _  
_ _In love -_

**_Morrigan_ **

  
I smiled and took a breath. I folded the letter into a small square and tucked it into the bracelet Sten had given me.   
“Are we ready?” I asked them all. Everyone nodded, then Fergus came back into the hallway. “Come on then, it’s time,” he said with a grin, holding out his arm. I took it and he led everyone back out to the garden. They all exited in front of us, and when the strands of violin began to play outside, he swept open the doors and led me outside. I had chosen a Lindsey Stirling song for my trip down the aisle. Because nothing was more fitting. First Light. The song held something still deep inside me while making me want to fly.

At first there was this hush over the crowd, and as I looked about I almost died. Bodahn and Sandal were there, Kaitlyn from Redcliffe and her brother. Arl Eamon, Isolde and Teagan. Levi Dryden, his wife and brother and their children. Dagna, Shiani, and so many more from… everywhere. Cammen and Gheyna, her heavy with child. So many had come, I had no idea any of them would be here. So many lives I had touched as much as they had touched mine.

“They all insisted on coming when Leliana told them your happy news. You saved them all somehow or other, and they wanted to celebrate the wonder that is you,” Fergus said to me quietly. I nodded and sniffed, trying not to cry. Cammen began to clap quietly, and slowly.. They all joined him. Goosebumps spread across my skin as they all stood, and in that moment I felt more alive and at peace than I had in a long time. Nathaniel stood up at the gazebo, grinning at me, nearly bouncing on his feet. His eyes were bright, his hair immaculate and Alistair and Anders had to keep him there. The violin picked up speed, and the drums spurred me forward. Fergus gripped my hand. When we finally got to the gazebo, the music wound down and another calmer hush fell over everyone as they sat down.   
To my surprise, the Revered Mother from Redcliffe, Hannah, was standing there with Nate. She gave me a warm smile.   
“You look well, child,” she said, taking my hand. I gave her a sunny smile, “I didn’t know you would be here!”   
“Your young lady friend, Leliana, came to me and told me what was happening. I not only insisted that I come, I helped her get the others. You are a well loved woman, you have done much for us all. And we wanted to share today with you,” she said gently. I nodded and looked around. Smiling faces abounded and I felt my heart lift a little. I turned to Nate and he heaved a sigh, holding out his hand. I took it.

Beginning of forever.   
Mother Hannah spoke her piece, before asking if Nate had any words he would like to say. He took a quick look at his sister sitting on the front row, before clearing his throat.   
“I never really knew what living was until I met you, Rhaydyn. I had gone through life following orders. My father’s. My teacher’s. My father’s some more. My ‘bosses’. And when the world imploded, I had no anchor. No reason. I believed my entire family dead, and came here to die. But.. then this little red haired, dagger wielding woman shows up and literally holds my life in her small hands.” He pulled one of those hands to his lips.   
“From the moment she spoke, I was gone. She broke down all of those carefully erected walls I had. Stomped them into the ground with her gorgeous feet and beautiful smile and never failing courage. You badgered me constantly, and gave me something I had never really had. Unconditional love.”   
He took a breath. “So here is my promise. I promise to love you. I promise to protect you when you let me, and to follow you into the bowels of the earth. I promise to hold you, and to keep you. Forever. Mine.”

I nodded, feeling a tear escape my eye. He reached up and swiped it away.   
Mother Hannah smiled at me, nodding her head.   
“Ah, who could follow that up and still look good?” I mumbled, having nearly forgotten myself.   
“You were a surprise to me. You were all mean and growly and my word, the snark coming out of you was intensely amazing. Seeing you and finding out you were.. You, was mildly distressing to be sure. The first time you said my name, I was yours. And the more I got to know you, the more sure I was that you, well you were nothing short of spectacular. You had this passion inside you that you had never been able to explore before. Insatiable curiosity, and a need for acceptance. And your hands, Maker your hands kill me. I watched them all the time. You talked with them, you touched everything. Like you lived through them. And you touched my soul that way.” I looked up into his eyes, a smile tugging at my lips.   
“So, Nathaniel, I promise you this. I will forever walk by your side, into fire or snow. I will love you, even when you make me crazy. I’ll let you protect me, if you let me protect you. And I promise to lead only where you can follow. And I promise to keep you, always. Because you.. You are mine,” I said the last with a whisper. He nodded.   
“Do you have rings to exchange?” Hannah asked us. Nate nodded, and from inside the keep came running my mabari, Nacho. I squealed, as I hadn't seen him since I had left for the Vigil. He slid to a stop in front of me, barely containing himself, his butt wiggling all over the ground. I handed my flowers to Nate and tossed caution to the wind and knelt to hug him. He was whimpering and whining in my ear, licking my shoulder and my neck, pawing at my arm. There was something tied to his collar, I untied the ribbon and stood up, wiping tears off my face. Nate stood there grinning, holding out his hand. I dropped the bag in his hand and waited while he pulled the ribbon loose. He shook 2 rings out of the bag into his waiting palm.  He tucked the bag into his pocket and held out his hand for mine.

When he had my fingers on his hand, he spoke again. “Normally there's lots of more emotional words here, but firstly I'd like to say how difficult it was hiding your dog from you for 2 days. He was frantic with wanting to see you but Alistair and your brother insisted on this and I'm glad I listened. The look on your face made it priceless.” I just shook my head, a bit overcome at this point. We exchanged the rings, pet the dog again who was plastered to the side of my leg, and when Mother Hannah pronounced us man and wife, Nathaniel took my face in his hands, grinned at me before kissing me. A perfect first kiss as “us”, hot, and mind melting, weakening me in all the right ways. When he pulled away, I gripped his shirt and brought him back. Everyone around us cheered loudly, and when I let him go, he looked as dazed as I felt. He held up my hand, and everyone stood, cheering and clapping some more. Nacho was dancing around, barking and beyond excited. We walked back through the crowd, stopping for hugs and handshakes.

Eventually we made it to our suite of rooms, Nacho made himself at home in the big chair. Nate closed and locked the door, before pulling me into his arms.

“Well hello there, husband,” I said as I put my arms around his neck.

“I think I like the sound of that. How does wife sound to you?” he teased. I mulled it over for a moment.

“It sounds perfect,” I answered when suspicion started to cloud his face. He wrinkled his nose at me, before kissing me again. This was a better kiss altogether, and had we not a ton of people waiting for us, I would have stripped him there and had my way with him.

He pulled away a minute or 5 later, brushing his thumb over my lips. “When I saw you my heart almost stopped. Gone was the commander. And there was the woman. Far more formidable, and breathtaking. And mine.” I nodded. “Why did you name your dog Nacho?” he asked, surprising me. I felt a flush heat my chest.

“My brother kept asking me to name him really stupid manly things but I didn't like them. So I sat around coming up with puns. When he asked me a few days later, I told him Nacho. ‘That's the stupidest name I've ever heard for a war dog!’ he said, ‘Why Nacho?!’ I told him, ‘Because he's my dog and his name is Nacho business,” I said to Nate. Who died laughing. I stood there scowling down at him, as he knelt on the floor just laughing away. He finally got back up and apologized. “Only you,” he said with a grin, giving me another kiss.

I showed him the necklace and he hugged me. “Your brother is a keeper, damnit. I was hoping I could dislike him on principle but I just can't. He is amazing.” He sighed dramatically, and I just laughed.

We went back out to the ballroom, and celebrated for hours upon hours. Everyone who had come brought us the most beautiful and amazing thing, a family to celebrate with. When we finally escaped near sunrise the next morning, I made the dog stay with my brother.

I took a blanket and pulled Nate out onto the balcony to watch the sun come up. He sat in the big chair and I curled up in his lap, covering us both with the blanket.

“You know, I had thought to bring you back here and ravish you. I've been aching to untie that dress all night,” he muttered in my ear, “but this is better. The first sunrise of our forever.” I nodded, entwining my fingers with his. We sat there in silence, watching the sun come up over the hills and when it was fully up, Nate carried me back onto our room.

He untied the dress, methodically undressing me. Then he made love to me for hours. Slow and languid, and mind blowingly beautiful. He gave and gave more, pushing us again and again into mindless pleasure. I was sore and spent, and he was beyond satisfied with himself. By the time we finally slept, I was so thoroughly his that I was unsure where I ended and he began.

I fell asleep with my hand over his heart entwined with his, and there was nowhere in the world I would rather have been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things. This chapter was very emotional to write. Her going home for the first time since her family's death was heartbreaking for me. I'm posting this after only editing it once.. As reading it again so soon isn't going to happen.  
> This is the final chapter for Nate and Rhaydyn for now. I'll come and take them on some adventures later on, because they are too precious to leave be for long. I've just got a lot on my plate and couldn't stand to leave them unfinished.  
> That said, I am still mildly bitter we couldn't romance him in the game. They missed out on a spectacular thing, getting a Cousland and a Howe together to mend the fences so to speak.  
> I'm glad I had the chance to give him a little happiness.


End file.
